When I first started learning about the LDS church I was a young lass of twenty, in college as a music major, working at a telemarketing company, and had no thoughts of getting married just yet. After seeing my brothers' dead end relationships at the time, I wasn't sure if that was what I'd wanted (as it was, Dave was estranged from his first wife at the time). Plus, having to hear my parents arguing all the time frightened me away from the idea of marriage (still does, but we'll get to that later).
Then when I learned more about the church and was preparing for baptism, I realized I wanted the gospel and everything that came with it, especially the eternal family. After baptism, I continued on as I was, going to some singles' events, and just deciding to bide my time and keep up with my schooling while I waited for Mr. Right-For-Time-And-All-eternity. As time passed by I kept hearing about my friends and associates getting married and starting families, and I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me that I couldn't find anyone for myself.
Years passed, I went through the temple (even served a stint as a temple worker in the Chicago, Illinois Temple), and still I bided my time, holding out for that eternal companion (but I did let a friend in the church set me up with one of his non-member friends and it just confirmed what I'd already known--that I needed to stick to my guns). Finally in October, 2005 I went to the Iowa City 3rd Branch for the very first time. It was there that I felt at home, that I felt I belonged, that I was where I needed to be, among other young single people like me. After talking to my bishop in the Muscatine Ward, we both decided it was best that I was released from my calling in the ward and have my records transferred to the branch. I was welcomed with open arms in the branch.
It's been almost three years since I first arrived, and I'm still no closer to finding that eternal companion. That ache of longing for someone by my side is constant and I'm actually used to it by now. The loneliness sucks though and still I wonder if there's something wrong with me, if I'm maybe being too picky. During my stint at Stanley Consultants, I worked with another girl and we would talk about my faith and why I want to hold out for that clean cut upstanding goodly Mormon man. She thought I was being picky and slightly prejudiced because I wouldn't even considering dating outside of my faith. I shared with her that I had a friend who had dated nonmembers before and it usually got to the point where it would have to end. I also told her about my parents' marriage, how all they still do is argue (and the fact that my dad's a heavy drinker probably doesn't help matters either). I do know that I don't want that kind of marriage for myself. I don't want my children growing up hearing their parents screaming at each other. I don't know if she accepted that answer or not, but we didn't talk about it again.
I mentioned before that I was no closer to finding the eternal companion that I seek; I take that back. There is someone. We went out once, but nothing came of it. We're just friends, but now I know the kind of man I want for time and all eternity. My friend has all the good traits I want in a man. And until I know I've found the right man, I guess I'm resigned to the single state.
Sometimes, being resigned to the single state is all right. I mean, I'm doing things with my spare time I probably would find difficult if I was married and raising a family. Right now, I'm in the musical I mentioned in a previous post. I sing with the Muscatine Civic Chorale, and I spend time with my friends and go on trips with them like I will be doing this coming weekend. I'm also volunteering for the Democratic party here in Muscatine. But still, there are moments when I'm lonely, when I want that significant other to be there to offer me his shoulder for my tears, to laugh with me when I tell him about a silly moment during play rehearsal, to cheer me on when I sing a solo for a concert.
Until I find that Mr. Right, I have my family, my friends, and my Heavenly Father (who probably sees all those silly moments and laughs with me anyway).
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