Happy birthday, Isabelle

A year ago today, my niece by "adoption", Isabelle Gelder made her way into the world. We already knew that Alan and Lara were having a girl. So it was just a matter of waiting to meet her.

I ended up going to the hospital the following night after work to meet her. I held her and sang "Silent Night" in Irish Gaelic to her. When she cried, she squeaked. She was way too adorable.

Over the next few months, I spoiled her shamelessly. I got her little outfits and St. Patrick's Day socks. And I would sometimes go over the Alan and Lara's to visit her and help Lara out with the baby. And when I needed to get to the train station to come out to Utah, it was Lara who took me to the train station, with Isabelle in tow, and they were the ones who saw me off.

The last time I spent some real time with Izzy B was when the Gelders came out for David's wedding. Some of my time in Provo, Orem, and American Fork was spent keeping seven-month-old Isabelle entertained, and doing my "aunt-ly duties". I was even able to make sure she smiled during the family shots (at least the ones I wasn't in).

Happy 1st birthday, Isabelle. I love you.

Slan go foill...

Almost seven months...

It's almost seven months since I boarded the Amtrak train and made the trek out here. And I'm having major mixed feelings right now.

I'm glad to be here, don't get me wrong. This is Zion, after all. But I'm feeling a little lonely and homesick, especially since I can't go home for the holidays. And the fact that I can't be with my family for the holidays kinda sucks; I won't lie.

Thank goodness for friends here. At least I have somewhere to go. :)

Slan go foill...

Almost two years...

It's almost two years since Mom passed through the veil. I've found myself thinking about it. A lot of my thinking is centered on what I could have done differently when she was in the nursing home, dying of cancer. Could I have made time to visit her more? Could I have spent weekends in the Quad Cities? Should I have called more?

There is a question that will forever haunt me. Should I have left work earlier the day she died?

It doesn't matter that Dan and Sandy say that I have nothing to regret. I do; I regret not being there with Dave and Mom when she took her last breath. I will always wonder if she was thinking, "Where's my baby? Where's my little girl? Why aren't all of my children here?"

If I could talk to Mom, I would apologize to her profusely for not being there when she died.

Mom, I am so sorry I wasn't with you that day. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you all I wanted to.

Slan go foill...

Fragments by John McGlynn

John McGlynn is a singer-songwriter (I'd even put him in the category alongside Justin Hayward from the Moody Blues). His music always struck a chord within me. Here's a vid of him performing at the Boomboom Room in Dublin, Ireland.

I will admit I had a major crush on him when I was in my 20's. I still do, but it's not as major. I just love his music, and I do think he's majorly handsome for his age. *blush*

Slan go foill...

The perils of corporate America and living in a right to work state

I'm starting to see the perils of corporate America. Actually I have been for a while now. It seems that corporate America doesn't care about the working people. Case in point: I've been working for this company for a while, and I've learned that you can't afford to be sick. If you have to leave work early, even if you are sick, you get in trouble for it. *shakes head* I took another attendance point so I could rest yesterday and take care of my voice. Today, I'm going armed with cough drops and lots of fluids.

What happened to companies that actually cared about the well being of their employees? What happened to paid sick days? What's happened to those old days where you could take time off to get well? I fear those days are gone forever.

Slan go foill...

Taking a cue from the Amish...

Lately, I've been reading books by Beverly Lewis. Her books have been about the Amish people and their faith. I was introduced to these books by my aunt Annie years ago. They're actually really good reads, I think.

But what I've noticed about some of them is that if a member of the Amish community doesn't "toe the line" according to the church leaders of that district, they are put under the Ban, a shunning, meaning that the person in that sect is "Shunned". The person is not to be spoken to; in essence he or she is ostracized, even by their own family. This continues until either the person leaves the community completely, or they repent.

I've been reading a friend's blog. This friend actually left the LDS church a while back. He was a convert, like me, but he was experiencing some of this ostracism for reasons that I won't go into on this blog. But I've noticed, whether it be through personal experience or hearing about it second hand, that if a person doesn't "toe the line" in the LDS church, they can face the ostracism as well. Thankfully, I haven't had to face it personally, but hearing about these experiences has made me think.

Are some Mormons taking a cue from the Amish? Are they judging others in their own narrow minded ideas of what an ideal Mormon should be?

If this is the case, then I could be in a bit of trouble. Because I'm about to show that I'm not the image of an ideal Utah Mormon woman, especially when it comes to voting. I need to be myself in all ways, come what may.

Slan go foill...

September 11...

I will never forget where I was on September 11th, 2001.

I was at home in Muscatine. I had gotten up and was trying to check my email when I noticed that I was having problems with our Internet connection. I came downstairs to use the phone and that's when I got a glimpse on the TV of what was going on in New York. I saw the World Trade Center with a huge smoking gaping hole in it. At first, I thought that the fire was going to be put out so I didn't think anything of it. I made my call to the cable company and got back online; checked my email and went back to bed since I didn't have classes that day.

Mom woke me up a little later and told me what had happened in New York, thinking that our Internet went down because of it. She also had another shocker for me: the plan crashes at the Pentagon, and in Shanksville, PA. I was immediately wide awake and in a state of shock. I couldn't believe it. Who'd want to attack us? And why? I was soon glued to the TV getting details and updates on the news. It was the first time I ever heard of al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden. They hated our country because of our different lifestyles. I became one of millions of witnesses to what is now called The War on Terrorism.

Once it became clear it was radical Muslims from the Middle East that were responsible, the backlash was horrible. I was sickened when I learned that my former Macro-Economics teacher, John Dabeet--originally from Palestine--was the recipient of death threats because of the incidents. The fear led to hate very quickly and I did my best not to take part in it.

And now ten years later, things are getting better. We're still vigilant, but there is hope that there's a light at the end of this long tunnel. With bin Laden dead, I pray we're close to this war on terror being over sometime soon. But we will never forget what happened that day and the fact that our innocence was lost.

September 11, 2001; I will never forget!

Slan go foill...

A Case of the loneliness blues

I don't know if I'm just frustrated with work and the lack of dating opportunities and everything in between, but I'm feeling sad and lonely.

I think it started last night when I got a posting on Facebook from my brother telling me that I'm a great-aunt because my step-niece had her baby. This is really sad because while I would love nothing else than to have someone in my life to have a baby with, my step-niece was able to do it, at the tender age of eighteen. And she doesn't follow the LDS standards that I do. I wonder if maybe I'm off somewhere.

Maybe following the LDS standards isn't all it's cracked up to be. According to various family members and friends outside of the Church, my standards are too high, and that following those rules and regulations is getting me nowhere. One of my family members had an issue (and she still might) about the possibilities of me getting married in the temple. If I do find my eternal companion and have that opportunity, my non-member family won't be able to be in the temple with me when I get sealed to him.

I suppose I have some thinking and praying to do...

Slan go foill...

Shadows of the Past

Everyone has things from their past that they're ashamed. I know I do. And I have a lot of regret.

When I was younger (definitely pre-baptism), there was a guy in my life, and I will admit I was a bit of a brat to him. I'm old enough where I can admit accountability for it. But because of it, there were scars left on my soul that probably won't heal. And, I'm afraid to take chances with any man, even now with someone who will remain nameless.

I know I have the gospel and I am a daughter of God, but some old habits die hard. This person from my high school years is a dark chapter in my life that I will never repeat.

But I also know now that had I been raised a Mormon and had the knowledge of temple marriage and LDS dating, this person who was a dark chapter in my life would never have gotten a first glance from me. I wouldn't have gone so crazy and done and said stuff back then that will remain unwritten here. That's where my regret lies.

I know what Mama Gelder would tell me at this point if she knew what was going on in my head. She would tell me to not look back, to remember my worth as a daughter of God. I need to remember this.

Slan go foill...

Pioneer heritage

Pioneer Day was yesterday, and today it's being observed since the holiday here in Utah just happened to fall on the Sabbath. It was a day well spent when my friend and I went to the hospital and spent the day with Deb.

But the holiday actually got me thinking about pioneers and our pioneer heritage. Since the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints really focuses on the pioneer heritage, what usually comes to mind is the groups that traveled across the country to settle here in Utah, like the handcart companies as depicted in the movie 17 Miracles, or the ones I'm reading about in The Work and the Glory series right now. Either way, I felt like I didn't have a pioneer heritage, and that thought made me sad.

However, during Relief Society yesterday, I learned that I do have a pioneer heritage. It's not the kind described in the above article, but it's a pioneer heritage nonetheless. My paternal grandfather, Ramiro Valdivia Sr., came up to the United States from Zacatecas, Mexico to seek a better life for himself and his future family. His cousin, Ishmael, was already settled in Topeka, Kansas, and that's where Grandpa settled and married my Grandmother Juana Valdivia. They raised their family, whose posterity included my father. Grandpa Valdivia was a pioneer because he had courage enough to leave Mexico and emigrate to a new country and start a new life.

And apparently, I started a pioneer heritage that I'm passing along to my own posterity. Because I took a leap of faith and left Iowa and all that was familiar to me and journeyed to Utah for a job, and to be closer to the Saints, that makes me a pioneer too. In fact, when I said on my Facebook the day I left Iowa on the train that with me being packed to the gills with three suitcases worth of stuff, I felt like a pioneer; my Aunt Berta commented that I was a pioneer.

So Grandpa Valdivia, on these two Pioneer Days, yesterday and today, I salute you for being a pioneer and coming to this country for a better life. Gracias!

Slan go foill...

Out of the loop...

Some friend I am. I've been concentrating on my job so much that I didn't know when friends were ailing. This happened twice. First Deb, then Tristan.

Deb's on the mend, and I've been trying to give support to her and her family as much as possible. In fact, she's improving by leaps and bounds that she may be released from the hospital as early as Tuesday. Yay!!!!

Tristan (friend from work) had surgery this past week. Thankfully, like Deb, she's also on the mend and I'm hoping to see her this week when I go back to work Tuesday.

But this has shown me that I've been a pretty awful friend for concentrating so hard on my job and not looking at the bigger picture, like friends who may need my support and prayers. I really need to work on that.

Slan go foill...

Life experiences

I've learned that life experiences, while not always pleasant, can be a blessing because they prepare you for something that a friend could go through that is somewhat similar and you can have empathy and support them through as much as possible.

This is so incredibly true for the past couple of weeks.

I speak of two of my friends that were associated with the Nauvoo Pageant at one time: The Dickamore Brothers, Jeff and Matt, and their two brothers Ben and Tony. Their mother is in the hospital, and for a few days after the initial incident, it looked grim.

The reason I note this on my blog is because as some of you readers know, my mother battled, and eventually died from, cancer. So as a result of that grueling life experience, I know what it's like to have a mother who's ailing so badly that you just want to cry, scream, and even rage.

I've decided to spend time with the woman in question, keeping her company, giving moral support when I can. I have yet to run into the boys, and that's okay. It's not about them. It's about their mother and giving support and service. In fact, today I spent over six hours at the hospital, and it was time well spent. I don't say this to boast; I say this because it made me genuinely happy to spend my Saturday with an incredible woman, a woman I'm beginning to love as much as my own mother.

Slan go foill...

Almost three months of settling in, job training, Nauvoo Pageant reunions, and making new friends...

It's been almost three months since I've taken that huge step and moved out here to Taylorsville, Utah. A lot has happened since then. There have been some bumps and bruises along the way, but there have also been some great blessings as well.

I started my new job at Convergys a week earlier than expected. It was so I could have a decent shift, one that didn't force me to work Sundays. The training was actually fun; my trainer Cragun was actually what was considered a Jack Mormon, meaning he respected us, but didn't believe as we do. There are a number of non-Mormons here in Utah, but there are enough members here to make the dating scene interesting.

In my new ward, I've become friends with young married couple Mike and Jessica. They live in a building here at the complex and I've been to their place to watch NCIS with them occasionally. I've also found a family to spend holidays with, Jessica's parents and siblings. In fact, I spent Memorial Day and Independence Day with them; got in a water fight with Mike during the latter holiday, but it was fun!

Just because I've started making new friends here and finding my niche, that doesn't mean I've forgotten my old friends, my Nauvoo Pageant friends. Friends like Darren, Paul 1 and Jen, Paul 2, Jeff, Aurora, Bradley, etc. I was able to see them a couple of times already this summer before some of them took off to help with the work in Nauvoo. I miss them and the pageant.

Yep, because of my new job, I'm not able to go to Nauvoo for the pageant. That's okay. I could recite it in my sleep. Besides, there's enough work and service to do here. I've been extended a calling in my ward as one of the single adult reps. Which reminds me, I should be off to start making phone calls...As soon as this headache goes away, that's what I plan to do.

Back to the pageant, I actually made some new friends that were involved in the pageant, like Logan, Alex, Melinda, Dan, Matt (past pageant guy), Rob, etc...It's been great.

All in all, I'm settling in wonderfully. And my ex-roommate is sending some of my stuff so I can start cooking and baking again. It'll be wonderful. I love Utah.

Slan go foill...

A lot of changes...

It's been a while since I've blogged on here. So, there have been a lot of changes in my life.

Since August, I acquired a new roommate, finished school, found a job and moved out to Utah, leaving the new, very cool roommate behind (on good terms), and have been making friends with people in my new ward.

First of all, my roommate moved in with me in September and she was a godsend. She and I became like sisters, and she encouraged me in my academic endeavors.

I finished my bachelor's degree from Kaplan University in December. Right before Christmas, I mused on my FB that I didn't know what to do with myself. A friend of mine decided to be a smart aleck and replied: "Two words. Really good book." *lol*

Since finishing my bachelor's degree, I've been looking for work in Utah, and I was offered a position at Convergys in Taylorsville, a 'burb of Salt Lake City. As a result, I'm now in Utah.

I found a really nice place in Taylorsville. It's a one-bedroom apartment, and it's perfect for my needs. And what's better, my next door neighbor goes to the ward I'll be attending. He showed me where it is, and it's even within walking distance of the apartment complex. So on nice summer mornings, I'll be able to walk to church sometimes.

All in all, I'm settling in nicely. This is exactly what I needed. Now, if I can be sure that I won't have to work Sundays at my new job, I'll be set. *crossing fingers and toes*

Slan go foill...