Dear Mom,
It's your birthday. Today was also the day that I found out you wouldn't be able to stay on this side of the veil for much longer. When you told me that news a year ago today, my heart just dropped to the pit of my stomach! I was so scared. I didn't know what I would do without you.
From the time that I could do recitals, concerts, and plays, you were always there for me. Anita once said that I was your rock star, and she had a point. I think there was only a tiny handful of concerts and plays you weren't able to get to because you had to work. The rest you did everything you could to come. I remember when you bought a ticket to see Muscatine! The Musical and took a Friday night off work to come and see me!
I also remember the times that you would drive me to the temple, either in Nauvoo or in Los Angeles so I could get that bit of strength from temple service. I even remember when you joined the 3rd Branch temple trip and used your van to allow one of my other friends to go so he didn't have to go by himself and we rode down to Nauvoo. That was the day I had a handful of family file cards and we were going to do the work for your ancestors. Even though you couldn't go into the temple that day, you seemed happy that I wanted to give our relatives the chance that they didn't have in this mortal life.
What I remember the most are the little things: the way you used big words in conversations with me and I didn't know what they meant. It drove me crazy, and you would always say, "Look it up. What am I paying for your college for?" I also remember the bits of advice you gave me, especially when it came to me being single and watching people pair up and get married. When some of those marriages crashed and burned, you would turn to me and say, "See, I keep telling you." I also remember how angry you got with me a year ago, a couple of months before you died, because I said it was my own fault that you wouldn't be able to see me come out of the temple with my new husband because I couldn't land a man. You hated how I would be down on myself and even though you were sick, you let me know it!
I was thinking of you when I applied for the Nauvoo pageant and finished the process a couple of weeks before you passed through the veil. When I found out, I wanted to call you, but then I remembered that you were no longer here and wondered if you already knew on the other side that I had gotten in. You can thank one man for it: Paul Walstad. He'd kept on me from the time you and I met him in 2007 until I finally did it. And when I told him and another friend about how I wanted you to be there, they said you probably would be. I was also able to talk to people at the pageant about you and bear my testimony that I would be with you again. My new friends from the pageant all know about you and about how great you were. You may not have thought so, but you were a wonderful influence on me.
I also remember how you were so nice to my friends from 3rd Branch and IC 1st Ward, and that you were happy that they were there for me while you were suffering the effects of your cancer. They have been there for me in ways I never dreamed possible. When you really got sick, Abby came over and we sat in my room and talked. I showed her pictures of you and Dad on your wedding day and shared memories. The Gelders have also taken good care of me now that you're gone.
For your birthday, I do have a doctor's appointment, and then I may go and pick up a romance novel, or I may watch Pride and Prejudice; the Colin Firth version, mind you, because I know that's what you liked. :) I couldn't find lemon cupcakes, but I have white cupcakes and will be making a wish for you!
I also look forward to when I can finish what you've started in the temple. I know you're learning a lot from those who have gone before, and I wonder if you're being taught by Parley Pratt, Joseph Smith, or even President Gordon B. Hinckley. That thought makes me happy. And I'm also preparing myself to go to the temple on your behalf. It will be a great day when I can go for you and finish what you started all those years ago.
Happy birthday, Mom! I love you, forever...
Your daughter eternally...
Theresa
x
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
My Nauvoo Pageant experiences part deux :)
Here's the rest of the story of my adventures in Nauvoo this summer...
Okay, so after a week of rehearsals and learning, we had a day of rest on Sunday July 4th. At least the family cast did anyway. The Core Cast had to perform "Our Story Goes On" that night, and I went, but I forgot my camera. Oh well. But I also learned some more powerful, and somewhat painful, lessons that day.
I went to sacrament meeting at the Nauvoo 1st ward Sunday morning, and had made plans to meet up with our core cast member who played Scotsman Robert Laird. "Pseudo-Scotsman" and I sat together during sacrament meeting, and it was a fast and testimony meeting too. Someone from the ward got up to bear his testimony and he quoted Doctrine and Covenants 122:9 "Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less." It was in that moment that I finally understood; Mom's time on earth had been done and the cancer that she got was the means to take her home. If it hadn't been the cancer, it would've been something else. Yes, I was sad, but then I remembered that I can do her temple work, finish what she started since she was a baptized member of the Church. I look forward to doing that for her.
After sacrament meeting, I went home and slept for hours. I couldn't believe how exhausted I was. But it was a good exhaustion. Once upon a time, my other friend from the pageant, Parley Pratt #1 told me I'd understand what "Nauvoo exhausted" was. Boy, was he right!
After my long nap, I went to "Our Story Goes On". Because of where the house I was staying was, it was easy for me to walk to the old City of Joseph stage where it was being held. It was a moving, and almost painful, experience. During the show, the women in the core cast sang a beautiful redition of Martina McBride's song "In My Daughter's Eyes". Even typing about it makes me want to cry. I was sitting alone in the audience, tears streaming down my cheeks, because it was making me think of Mom, and wondering if she knew that I loved her, if she saw it in my eyes. There was another "scene" where it dealt with the death of the mother, and I started crying again. I was beating myself up because I didn't bring any tissues.
After the performance, Charly, one of the core cast gals, and who just happens to be a good friend to me, came up the rows of chairs and just gave me a hug. I asked, "How did you know I needed one?" She didn't say much, except to say that she loved me and that I was a wonderful woman, and a good person.
The next week was performances and during the days, we had free time. So, I took advantage of that and went to the temple twice, did some studying. I also went to the Visitor's Center to see the Joseph Smith movie. It's one of my favorites and I'm looking forward to when it comes out in DVD.
The last night was quite bittersweet. I had loved every second of being in the pageant. I had come away with several new friends and was wrapped in a cocoon of love that I didn't want to leave. But it was time for me to go home and start taking everything I had learned home and apply it to my life.
Now, we have one man to thank for my being in the pageant. That would be Paul Walstad, aka "Parley" 1. He used to play Parley Pratt, until this summer when Ray Robinson was called to take a job in Utah, as Director of Musical and Cultural Arts for the Church. So Paul was called to be director of the pageant, and Paul Cartwright played Parley this summer. :) Anyway, for the past three years, Paul, or Wally, had been wanting me to apply for the family cast. Every time I'd go to the pageant since 2007, he'd ask me to apply for the next summer's pageant family cast. When I finally finished the process (right before Mom died), I got in.
So, the last night, I went up to him and I said, "Thank you for not giving up on me."
He replied, "Thank you for not giving up on us." Meaning the pageant and the gang, and the work that needed to be done.
I will close this blog entry with the statement that we recited at our cast meetings before our performances, because most importantly we were doing missionary work.
"The standard of truth has been erected: No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing. Persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done."
Slan go foill...
Okay, so after a week of rehearsals and learning, we had a day of rest on Sunday July 4th. At least the family cast did anyway. The Core Cast had to perform "Our Story Goes On" that night, and I went, but I forgot my camera. Oh well. But I also learned some more powerful, and somewhat painful, lessons that day.
I went to sacrament meeting at the Nauvoo 1st ward Sunday morning, and had made plans to meet up with our core cast member who played Scotsman Robert Laird. "Pseudo-Scotsman" and I sat together during sacrament meeting, and it was a fast and testimony meeting too. Someone from the ward got up to bear his testimony and he quoted Doctrine and Covenants 122:9 "Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less." It was in that moment that I finally understood; Mom's time on earth had been done and the cancer that she got was the means to take her home. If it hadn't been the cancer, it would've been something else. Yes, I was sad, but then I remembered that I can do her temple work, finish what she started since she was a baptized member of the Church. I look forward to doing that for her.
After sacrament meeting, I went home and slept for hours. I couldn't believe how exhausted I was. But it was a good exhaustion. Once upon a time, my other friend from the pageant, Parley Pratt #1 told me I'd understand what "Nauvoo exhausted" was. Boy, was he right!
After my long nap, I went to "Our Story Goes On". Because of where the house I was staying was, it was easy for me to walk to the old City of Joseph stage where it was being held. It was a moving, and almost painful, experience. During the show, the women in the core cast sang a beautiful redition of Martina McBride's song "In My Daughter's Eyes". Even typing about it makes me want to cry. I was sitting alone in the audience, tears streaming down my cheeks, because it was making me think of Mom, and wondering if she knew that I loved her, if she saw it in my eyes. There was another "scene" where it dealt with the death of the mother, and I started crying again. I was beating myself up because I didn't bring any tissues.
After the performance, Charly, one of the core cast gals, and who just happens to be a good friend to me, came up the rows of chairs and just gave me a hug. I asked, "How did you know I needed one?" She didn't say much, except to say that she loved me and that I was a wonderful woman, and a good person.
The next week was performances and during the days, we had free time. So, I took advantage of that and went to the temple twice, did some studying. I also went to the Visitor's Center to see the Joseph Smith movie. It's one of my favorites and I'm looking forward to when it comes out in DVD.
The last night was quite bittersweet. I had loved every second of being in the pageant. I had come away with several new friends and was wrapped in a cocoon of love that I didn't want to leave. But it was time for me to go home and start taking everything I had learned home and apply it to my life.
Now, we have one man to thank for my being in the pageant. That would be Paul Walstad, aka "Parley" 1. He used to play Parley Pratt, until this summer when Ray Robinson was called to take a job in Utah, as Director of Musical and Cultural Arts for the Church. So Paul was called to be director of the pageant, and Paul Cartwright played Parley this summer. :) Anyway, for the past three years, Paul, or Wally, had been wanting me to apply for the family cast. Every time I'd go to the pageant since 2007, he'd ask me to apply for the next summer's pageant family cast. When I finally finished the process (right before Mom died), I got in.
So, the last night, I went up to him and I said, "Thank you for not giving up on me."
He replied, "Thank you for not giving up on us." Meaning the pageant and the gang, and the work that needed to be done.
I will close this blog entry with the statement that we recited at our cast meetings before our performances, because most importantly we were doing missionary work.
"The standard of truth has been erected: No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing. Persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done."
Slan go foill...
Sunday, August 1, 2010
My Nauvoo Pageant experiences part 1 :)
I finally decided to post some of my Nauvoo Pageant experiences and some of the lessons I learned.
First week was strictly rehearsals and we started at the Nauvoo Jr. High school. By Tuesday June 29th, we were at the pageant stage for the mornings and rehearsing at the jr. high school in the afternoons. On Wednesday June 30th, I learned one of my first lessons and an important truth. However, I don't recommend the methods to anyone! I twisted my ankle during rehearsal and that put a damper on things. I was supposed to dance with the guy who was playing John Taylor during the Evening Dance scene. Poor guy was wondering where I was and then when he found out, he came to the medical trailer to check on me and make sure I was okay. Sweet. :)
Yes, that accident taught me an important truth: we are all brothers and sisters and that we need to be there for each other. When it initially happened, core cast and family cast were running to make sure I was okay. Two big guys from the family cast carried me to the medical trailer, and one of them was a doctor and he looked at my foot and said it was only sprained. New Director/Former Core Cast member's bride stayed with me at the medical trailer while my foot was submerged in ice water. That experience alone made me want to scream.
From this accident, I also learned that I needed to be humble and accept help. When people came running to me, I tried to tell them that I was all right and that they didn't need to worry. And then I tried to put weight on my ankle. Okay, I wasn't fine, but I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. I had no choice but to accept their help and be grateful for it. And I was. It was nice getting to know the Director's new bride better while she made sure I kept my foot submerged.
After a day of being on the sidelines and probably having many prayers said on my behalf by family and core cast alike, I was up and about on Thursday July 1st. And I learned just how hard I could push my body. It was great.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were pretty uneventful. We got our costumes and I tried mine on. They fit perfectly. Watch this space for some pictures of me in costume later.
More to come later on the rest of the experience and what I learned.
Slan go foill...
First week was strictly rehearsals and we started at the Nauvoo Jr. High school. By Tuesday June 29th, we were at the pageant stage for the mornings and rehearsing at the jr. high school in the afternoons. On Wednesday June 30th, I learned one of my first lessons and an important truth. However, I don't recommend the methods to anyone! I twisted my ankle during rehearsal and that put a damper on things. I was supposed to dance with the guy who was playing John Taylor during the Evening Dance scene. Poor guy was wondering where I was and then when he found out, he came to the medical trailer to check on me and make sure I was okay. Sweet. :)
Yes, that accident taught me an important truth: we are all brothers and sisters and that we need to be there for each other. When it initially happened, core cast and family cast were running to make sure I was okay. Two big guys from the family cast carried me to the medical trailer, and one of them was a doctor and he looked at my foot and said it was only sprained. New Director/Former Core Cast member's bride stayed with me at the medical trailer while my foot was submerged in ice water. That experience alone made me want to scream.
From this accident, I also learned that I needed to be humble and accept help. When people came running to me, I tried to tell them that I was all right and that they didn't need to worry. And then I tried to put weight on my ankle. Okay, I wasn't fine, but I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. I had no choice but to accept their help and be grateful for it. And I was. It was nice getting to know the Director's new bride better while she made sure I kept my foot submerged.
After a day of being on the sidelines and probably having many prayers said on my behalf by family and core cast alike, I was up and about on Thursday July 1st. And I learned just how hard I could push my body. It was great.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were pretty uneventful. We got our costumes and I tried mine on. They fit perfectly. Watch this space for some pictures of me in costume later.
More to come later on the rest of the experience and what I learned.
Slan go foill...
Sunday, June 27, 2010
This is it! But it's appropriate...
The day is finally here; where I finally head down to Nauvoo with the Hartleys and stay at their house for two weeks while I serve in the Nauvoo Pageant Red Cast.
I never thought this day would get here. Looking back now, the time went by so fast I can't believe it. I'm glad we're going down tonight. It seems appropriate that I go down to Nauvoo to continue in the work that the Prophet Joseph Smith started on the anniversary of his martyrdom.
Praise to the Man indeed! :)
Millions shall know "Brother Joseph" again!
Hail to the Prophet, ascended to heaven,
Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain.
Mingling with God, he can plan for his brethren.
Death cannot conquer the hero again!
Slan go foill...
I never thought this day would get here. Looking back now, the time went by so fast I can't believe it. I'm glad we're going down tonight. It seems appropriate that I go down to Nauvoo to continue in the work that the Prophet Joseph Smith started on the anniversary of his martyrdom.
Praise to the Man indeed! :)
Millions shall know "Brother Joseph" again!
Hail to the Prophet, ascended to heaven,
Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain.
Mingling with God, he can plan for his brethren.
Death cannot conquer the hero again!
Slan go foill...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
It's almost here!
It's almost here! You're probably asking yourselves, "What's almost here?" The time for me to leave Iowa City and go down to Nauvoo for two weeks.
Yep, it's almost time for me to pack up my things and head down to Nauvoo to prepare for my participation in the Nauvoo Pageant. I have this week to work, finish a paper, do some quizzes and reading, and gather whatever needful things for the pageant that I have yet to gather. Either a week from tonight or a week from tomorrow morning, I'll be heading down to Nauvoo with some friends and staying at their house.
The time did fly by fast. I didn't think it would. Now that it's almost here, I can't wait. I'm looking forward to going down and being a part of something that I've loved to watch since it was first presented in 2005. Of course I imagined my mother coming down to see it, but I know she'll be here in spirit.
Mom, this is for you! :)
Slan go foill...
Yep, it's almost time for me to pack up my things and head down to Nauvoo to prepare for my participation in the Nauvoo Pageant. I have this week to work, finish a paper, do some quizzes and reading, and gather whatever needful things for the pageant that I have yet to gather. Either a week from tonight or a week from tomorrow morning, I'll be heading down to Nauvoo with some friends and staying at their house.
The time did fly by fast. I didn't think it would. Now that it's almost here, I can't wait. I'm looking forward to going down and being a part of something that I've loved to watch since it was first presented in 2005. Of course I imagined my mother coming down to see it, but I know she'll be here in spirit.
Mom, this is for you! :)
Slan go foill...
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Upheavals, good grades, and prepping for the pageant...
It's been a few months since I last updated. I've been rather busy.
First of all, I'm roommate-less at the moment. Turns out there were some problems, and since she was getting married anyway, Kristy moved out. What really hurt was that she did this without talking to me or owning up to those problems.
Because of the problems, I've had to take on more debt to fix them, and I was thinking that I wouldn't be able to do the pageant this summer. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to afford to take two weeks off work to do it. But I am determined to do this. The Lord needs me in Nauvoo for those two weeks this summer, and while it looks like the adversary is trying to make it so I don't go, he won't succeed. Even if I have to get help from family to make sure the bills are paid, I'm still going.
I got my grades from my last two terms. I did make the Dean's List for the December term, and I almost got straight A's for this last term, which would've made me prime for President's List. However, I did bomb the final exam for Accounting I, but I got a final grade of A-. I was SO DANG CLOSE!!!!! But that's okay. Dean's List is nothing to sniff at. It's a great accomplishment. :)
Now, I've started a new term at Kaplan, with three online classes: Finance, Managerial Accounting for Professionals, and Operations Management. It's going to be hard juggling classes, work, and the Nauvoo Pageant. However, if I exercise some faith and work hard, I should be able to pull it off.
Slan go foill...
First of all, I'm roommate-less at the moment. Turns out there were some problems, and since she was getting married anyway, Kristy moved out. What really hurt was that she did this without talking to me or owning up to those problems.
Because of the problems, I've had to take on more debt to fix them, and I was thinking that I wouldn't be able to do the pageant this summer. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to afford to take two weeks off work to do it. But I am determined to do this. The Lord needs me in Nauvoo for those two weeks this summer, and while it looks like the adversary is trying to make it so I don't go, he won't succeed. Even if I have to get help from family to make sure the bills are paid, I'm still going.
I got my grades from my last two terms. I did make the Dean's List for the December term, and I almost got straight A's for this last term, which would've made me prime for President's List. However, I did bomb the final exam for Accounting I, but I got a final grade of A-. I was SO DANG CLOSE!!!!! But that's okay. Dean's List is nothing to sniff at. It's a great accomplishment. :)
Now, I've started a new term at Kaplan, with three online classes: Finance, Managerial Accounting for Professionals, and Operations Management. It's going to be hard juggling classes, work, and the Nauvoo Pageant. However, if I exercise some faith and work hard, I should be able to pull it off.
Slan go foill...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Decisions, promises, and the Nauvoo Pageant!
It's been two months since I got the word that I would be serving in the Nauvoo Pageant Red Cast. And since then, I've been nurtured, have seemingly gained another big brother, and have been refined in ways I don't recommend. I've also learned a lot from the experiences I've had and the decisions those close to me have made, as well as a conscious decision I made as the result of a promise I made to someone who's becoming a good friend to me.
One of my friends is engaged to someone outside of the Church. Yes, I'm happy for her, but I can see she's letting things go, like the chance for an eternal family. She says he could join the Church, but she's not going to push him in that direction if it's not what he wants.
When she announced her engagement, I once again found myself wondering what was lacking in me that I couldn't find anyone. At that time, I felt like I was running out of time and so I started going to more singles activities, desperate to find that special someone. It was at one of these activities that I made a promise to someone. He helped me see that I didn't need to worry about time. And because he knows about my friend and her situation, as well as my own situation and my desire to move to Utah when I'm done with school, he persuaded me to promise him that for the rest of this year, I wouldn't think about any timetable; that I would just relax and be myself, especially at the singles activities.
So it is a conscious decision I've made to no longer worry about my being single. Besides, as a single person, I can do more things, like be in the Nauvoo Pageant, and I'm looking forward to serving for those two weeks this summer. It's time for me to put myself in the Lord's hands and not back down, no matter what people say.
Slan go foill...
One of my friends is engaged to someone outside of the Church. Yes, I'm happy for her, but I can see she's letting things go, like the chance for an eternal family. She says he could join the Church, but she's not going to push him in that direction if it's not what he wants.
When she announced her engagement, I once again found myself wondering what was lacking in me that I couldn't find anyone. At that time, I felt like I was running out of time and so I started going to more singles activities, desperate to find that special someone. It was at one of these activities that I made a promise to someone. He helped me see that I didn't need to worry about time. And because he knows about my friend and her situation, as well as my own situation and my desire to move to Utah when I'm done with school, he persuaded me to promise him that for the rest of this year, I wouldn't think about any timetable; that I would just relax and be myself, especially at the singles activities.
So it is a conscious decision I've made to no longer worry about my being single. Besides, as a single person, I can do more things, like be in the Nauvoo Pageant, and I'm looking forward to serving for those two weeks this summer. It's time for me to put myself in the Lord's hands and not back down, no matter what people say.
Slan go foill...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Another loss in my life...
Last week I had to endure another loss, under three months after Mom died too...
My friend, Andy, passed away unexpectedly in his sleep last Thursday and I didn't hear about it until early Saturday morning.
I first met him when I was introduced to him by a mutual friend from church. We met at a singles activity. Our friend had some hopes that he and I would start dating. I did try to have feelings for him, but it couldn't be forced. Instead, a nice comfortable friendship developed over the years.
When I moved to Coralville, I was surprised to find he lived in our complex, just a couple apartment buildings away, so when I wasn't busy (which unfortunately wasn't often because of Mom's illness), I tried to hang out with him, whether it be on Facebook chat, or occasionally going out. When I had to deal with having to work Sundays at my last job and was so upset that I cried to the point that my eyes were red and swollen, it was Andy who took me out for ice cream and tried to cheer me up. When I struggled with being single and seeing friends around me in the church getting engaged, it was Andy who could relate because he struggled with it too. And then there were times when the roles were reversed because he struggled with it more than I did, almost to the point where he considered leaving the church.
The last time I saw him alive was when he came to my ward by mistake. Because of the time change, he came to our services. It didn't matter to me. I was just so happy he was working on coming back to church!
Once again, I keep going back to what Melissa said to me once; the Lord's ways are higher than our ways. I was wondering why Andy had to leave just when he was getting his testimony revived, but I know why. It was his time to go, and his progression will continue on the other side.
God be with you until we meet again, Andy. This is NOT goodbye; this is see you later. I love you, buddy.
Slan go foill...
My friend, Andy, passed away unexpectedly in his sleep last Thursday and I didn't hear about it until early Saturday morning.
I first met him when I was introduced to him by a mutual friend from church. We met at a singles activity. Our friend had some hopes that he and I would start dating. I did try to have feelings for him, but it couldn't be forced. Instead, a nice comfortable friendship developed over the years.
When I moved to Coralville, I was surprised to find he lived in our complex, just a couple apartment buildings away, so when I wasn't busy (which unfortunately wasn't often because of Mom's illness), I tried to hang out with him, whether it be on Facebook chat, or occasionally going out. When I had to deal with having to work Sundays at my last job and was so upset that I cried to the point that my eyes were red and swollen, it was Andy who took me out for ice cream and tried to cheer me up. When I struggled with being single and seeing friends around me in the church getting engaged, it was Andy who could relate because he struggled with it too. And then there were times when the roles were reversed because he struggled with it more than I did, almost to the point where he considered leaving the church.
The last time I saw him alive was when he came to my ward by mistake. Because of the time change, he came to our services. It didn't matter to me. I was just so happy he was working on coming back to church!
Once again, I keep going back to what Melissa said to me once; the Lord's ways are higher than our ways. I was wondering why Andy had to leave just when he was getting his testimony revived, but I know why. It was his time to go, and his progression will continue on the other side.
God be with you until we meet again, Andy. This is NOT goodbye; this is see you later. I love you, buddy.
Slan go foill...
Monday, January 25, 2010
Possible Dean's Lister here...
Kristy and I were looking at my grades before my online seminar tonight and there's a possibility that I could be on the Dean's List. That's never happened before.
Not to be prideful or anything, but...it feels GREAT!!!!!!
Slan go foill...
Not to be prideful or anything, but...it feels GREAT!!!!!!
Slan go foill...
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Truth is the hardest tale to tell...
It is as the quote goes: "Truth is the hardest tale to tell, for each heart holds a different truth. This truth is held by mine."
I learned this the hard way I fear after attending an LDS singles conference with Kjersha last weekend in St. Louis, and after learning more in the aftermath...
I had met someone who shall remain nameless. We started hanging out and spending time together during said conference. We even danced together several times and I felt such an innocent pleasure in it. I was exhilerated that he found me beautiful and attractive.
And then the other friend and I go back home to IC, and I, having exchanged contact info with him, decide to wait before emailing him, not wanting to come on too strong. And I get busy with getting back to my own life, work and school. So he sends me an email via Facebook two nights ago that he had met a wonderful woman several months ago and that they were to be married in the spring.
Hence the quote to this entry, "Truth is the hardest tale to tell." Because he could've told me about his engagement before any flirting on his or my part went on. Instead, he flirted with me, and let me flirt with him. I was angry and I was very hurt. I had been used and abused, because he needed someone to make him feel good, and I was right there and lonely and vulnerable; I was reeled right into his web. I'm well on my way to being over it, and ready to write him off romantically, especially after finding out about some things that he'd done in the past.
Here's hoping that I don't get to the point where I trust no man, because that would be truly sad. I want to be able to give myself to someone special for eternity, but that won't happen if I can't trust any man. Right now, I must heal from this, which I am doing, and get on with my life; which includes preparing to go to the Nauvoo Pageant this summer for two weeks, and continuing on with school, as well as my goal to move out to Utah and be in the middle of Mormon country.
Slan go foill...
I learned this the hard way I fear after attending an LDS singles conference with Kjersha last weekend in St. Louis, and after learning more in the aftermath...
I had met someone who shall remain nameless. We started hanging out and spending time together during said conference. We even danced together several times and I felt such an innocent pleasure in it. I was exhilerated that he found me beautiful and attractive.
And then the other friend and I go back home to IC, and I, having exchanged contact info with him, decide to wait before emailing him, not wanting to come on too strong. And I get busy with getting back to my own life, work and school. So he sends me an email via Facebook two nights ago that he had met a wonderful woman several months ago and that they were to be married in the spring.
Hence the quote to this entry, "Truth is the hardest tale to tell." Because he could've told me about his engagement before any flirting on his or my part went on. Instead, he flirted with me, and let me flirt with him. I was angry and I was very hurt. I had been used and abused, because he needed someone to make him feel good, and I was right there and lonely and vulnerable; I was reeled right into his web. I'm well on my way to being over it, and ready to write him off romantically, especially after finding out about some things that he'd done in the past.
Here's hoping that I don't get to the point where I trust no man, because that would be truly sad. I want to be able to give myself to someone special for eternity, but that won't happen if I can't trust any man. Right now, I must heal from this, which I am doing, and get on with my life; which includes preparing to go to the Nauvoo Pageant this summer for two weeks, and continuing on with school, as well as my goal to move out to Utah and be in the middle of Mormon country.
Slan go foill...
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