My dad...

Amid all the stuff that was happening to me with my emotionally abusive relationship (see previous post), I also ended up being dealt another devastating loss.

On August 22, 2014, I got a phone call from my brother that I never wanted to get: Dad was in the hospital and it didn't look good. It didn't take long for him to go downhill and he finally passed away three days later, on Monday August 25, 2014, the day before Mom's B-day.

Uncle Carlos later said it was because he wanted to be with Mom on her birthday, but I'm not so sure.

As I went through the stages of mourning, the denial, the anger (and I was pissed off big time!!!!), the bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance, I had to accept that my dad had issues and demons, and they ended up killing him. But that I can break those cycles in my own life, and I already am.

My dad was a heavy drinker, had been from the time I was alive, or possibly before. Alcoholism is rarely pretty. There were times when Dad was drunk, and then he'd say things that were degrading and verbally abusive. My brothers apparently endured a lot of that at his hands.

In a way, so did I, especially when I decided to become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He HATED that. He always said that I was a Catholic; I was born a Catholic, baptized a Catholic, and would always be a Catholic. When he was drunk, especially as I became a mid-single adult, he'd ask when I was getting married. When I told him I didn't know, he'd say, "You're not getting any younger." He finally apologized for that, but I could tell he was tickled pink when I got engaged. I'm glad he didn't see the emotional abuse I went through to try to make one of his wishes come true and get married and settle down.

At least when Mom was alive, she kept him under control, especially with his drinking and smoking. When she died, he went downhill. It was like he didn't really care. He figured with my brothers and I leading our own lives, Dan in Bettendorf, Dave in Moline, and me here in Salt Lake City, UT, that we were fine.

I'm not really fine. Sometimes great things happen, like me starting my MBA Program at ITT Technical Institute and getting excellent grades, and then I want to call him, but then I remember that he's not here and I can't call him anymore. :(

What I am looking forward to doing, and I think it will bring about the ultimate healing for me, is having Dad's temple work done for him. I have a friend who can help me with that, and then I'll be sealed to my parents in the temple, as though I'd been born under the temple covenant. I have a feeling Dad will accept the work. My friend Kym once said that when he's on the other side of the veil in the Spirit World, all the alcoholism isn't there and his mind's clearer. Here's hoping he'll be receptive.

Slan go foill...

Two years away, and life's lessons

It's been almost two years since I last posted in here. A lot has happened in that time.

My previous relationship ended...not with a bang, or a whimper, but rather a shrug. He wanted the benefits of a relationship, and not the relationship.

Which sent me into a relationship that I thought was a dream come true, but turned out to be my worst nightmare. We rushed into the engagement very quickly, and it was the beginning of an emotional roller coaster for me. It was also a red flag for an abusive relationship. There were other red flags that I kept ignoring until January of this year: he'd be hot and then cold; he wanted me to spend all my time with him; he wanted my likes and dislikes to mirror his exactly; he didn't like that I spent time with his family without him, like when he was at school or work, and he left me to my own devices when I was visiting; he also wanted me to agree with him on everything. He also wanted me to do things that were only appropriate in marriage before we were to marry. I refused of course.

That's NOT how I operate! But the straw the finally broke my back was when he took my phone and deleted his stuff off of it. What gave him the right to invade my privacy like that?!

The reason I'm putting this on my very public blog, is that I want to warn others the way someone in my ward warned me.

If there are any of the abovementioned behaviors happening in your relationship, it is NOT okay. You need to get out posthaste! I'm glad I did.

It also showed me that it's okay to be alone. It's better to be alone than to be in a relationship like that. If I'd married him, I would've become a shell of my former self and I would've been unequally yoked.

Slan go foill...