This quote came from the movie "Joseph Smith, Prophet of the Restoration" and it was said by Hyrum Smith when he and the Prophet Joseph Smith were preparing to go to Carthage. I've been saying this quote over and over in my mind because of some sad happenings in my life as of late.
My mother's been sick with cancer since last fall when I was preparing to move to Coralville. The only reason I didn't say anything on this blog was out of respect for her privacy, but now there's nothing left to lose.
The doctors have said that it's terminal now, but they didn't give her a timetable on how long she has left. For now, she's staying with me in Coralville so she can get to her treatments (she can't drive anymore so my roommate takes her.).
When I was told about the cancer getting worse earlier this summer, I was beginning my preparations for returning to college to work on my bachelor's degree. I had confided in a friend from the Nauvoo pageant about Mom because he'd met her before and I'd also confided the fears that she wouldn't live to see me get my degree. He said, "If you work hard in getting your education, the Lord will take care of your mother." This was definitely NOT what I had in mind!
I'm trying to be strong for her, but it's hard. Sometimes it hits me and I just want to cry and rage. I feel like I'm being cheated out of things that a daughter should have with her mom; like having Mom there waiting for me to come out of the temple after being married to my future eternal companion; or having Mom there when I have my first baby. My future spouse is being cheated out of his mother-in-law, and my future children are being cheated out of having their grandma here to play with them.
My "sister" Melissa has been telling me as of late that the Lord's ways are higher than our ways, and in His wisdom, all will be made right in time. I don't know how that can be. I guess it's time to start practicing some faith, and believe that "Whatever happens, the Lord is in it."
Slan go foill...
