The true meaning of Christmas...and a delightful surprise exactly one week ago...

This entry is being done...in Bettendorf, where my brother and his wife live. I'm just staying at a hotel, one that I like very much. :)

Yep, I'm staying in the Quad Cities for the holiday. If the weather holds, I go home tomorrow to get things in order there, and prepare for next summer.

That's right, faithful readers! I did finish the process of applying for the Nauvoo Pageant for next year (finished it a couple of weeks before Mom died), and exactly one week ago today, I got the news via email.

I've been accepted into the pageant to serve in the Red Cast for next summer. It means I'll be going to Nauvoo at the end of June into early July. I was shocked to find out that I'd been accepted. It was the first time I'd finished an application and I really didn't think I'd be accepted. However, I've come to see that there's a reason the Lord needs me in Nauvoo during that time, so I'm going to be exercising some faith and work toward getting there.

It's also a little bittersweet, as is the holiday, because I imagined Mom still being here for it. I find myself wondering what it would be like to have Mom come down to Nauvoo for a couple of nights to see me perform in the pageant, have her do my hair up in the 1800's styles, have her around to call and vent about some difficulties in the rehearsal process that might come up. But I know it's not to be. Besides, knowing my Mom, she'll fight tooth and nail to be there in spirit.

Because we're dealing with our loss of her this year, it made me find the real spirit of Christmas and the real meaning. We're celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ and all He did for us, including dying on the cross so that we could be able to go back to our Heavenly Father. It also means family spending good time together, which is something I'm going to have to work on, since I'm not really big on the big family gatherings yet. It will take some time.

Beannachtai na Nollaig! Nollaig shona duit!

Slan go foill...

The start of a new term...and a devastating loss...

I survived my first term at Kaplan and am ready to take on the second, complete with two online classes...but Mom won't be with me, at least not in body.

She passed away a few days after I did my final exams. It was a blessing because she was in so much pain at the end. It was time for her to go home to her Heavenly Father, but I miss her so much!

In late October, she had taken a fall at home (a few days after I'd been there for the weekend!), and Dad realized that she could no longer be at home. As a result, we had her put in a nursing home in Davenport and there she stayed until she finally passed away. Dan, Dave, and I visited her when we could.

I love you, Mom, forever...

Slan go foill...

Well into the semester...and a visit home...

Two weeks down, eight more to go. Wow, in another two weeks, I'll be having my midterms.

I like my Arts and Humanities class. In fact, I've put together the format for my first paper so I can finish typing it where and when I need.

Business Law is pretty cool too, but not as much fun as Arts and Humanities. I am learning a lot about the law.

Dave and I went down to Muscatine to see Mom and Dad. She's already gotten things ready for the hospice care and the nurse does want to talk to Dan, Dave, and me. Perhaps when I'm not so bogged down with schoolwork and have a spare moment, we can go down and she can come over and answer the questions we have. It's a necessary evil, for sure, and it must be done.

Slan go foill...

Prying open the wounds again...

We finally got a time frame for how long Mom's going to be here. The doctors have said that she has six months to a year. She could've done some more chemotherapy treatments, but they would've been so debilitating that it just wouldn't be worth her while.

The plan is that she's going to stay home for the time being and have hospice care. There will be nurses who will come in and help her when needed. My brothers and I will try to get down there to visit when we can, but Mom's made it clear that she wants us to get on with our own lives. For me, that entails continuing with my education at Kaplan and working.

I have to keep telling myself that whatever happens the Lord is in it...

Slan go foill...

Embracing my inner Tomorrow Person

I was a fan of this show in the 90's when I was in high school and college.

Which One Of The New Series Tomorrow People Are You?

"Whatever happens, the Lord is in it..."

This quote came from the movie "Joseph Smith, Prophet of the Restoration" and it was said by Hyrum Smith when he and the Prophet Joseph Smith were preparing to go to Carthage. I've been saying this quote over and over in my mind because of some sad happenings in my life as of late.

My mother's been sick with cancer since last fall when I was preparing to move to Coralville. The only reason I didn't say anything on this blog was out of respect for her privacy, but now there's nothing left to lose.

The doctors have said that it's terminal now, but they didn't give her a timetable on how long she has left. For now, she's staying with me in Coralville so she can get to her treatments (she can't drive anymore so my roommate takes her.).

When I was told about the cancer getting worse earlier this summer, I was beginning my preparations for returning to college to work on my bachelor's degree. I had confided in a friend from the Nauvoo pageant about Mom because he'd met her before and I'd also confided the fears that she wouldn't live to see me get my degree. He said, "If you work hard in getting your education, the Lord will take care of your mother." This was definitely NOT what I had in mind!

I'm trying to be strong for her, but it's hard. Sometimes it hits me and I just want to cry and rage. I feel like I'm being cheated out of things that a daughter should have with her mom; like having Mom there waiting for me to come out of the temple after being married to my future eternal companion; or having Mom there when I have my first baby. My future spouse is being cheated out of his mother-in-law, and my future children are being cheated out of having their grandma here to play with them.

My "sister" Melissa has been telling me as of late that the Lord's ways are higher than our ways, and in His wisdom, all will be made right in time. I don't know how that can be. I guess it's time to start practicing some faith, and believe that "Whatever happens, the Lord is in it."

Slan go foill...

New developments in my life...

Well, there's a lot that's been happening...

For one thing...I got a promotion at work! I'm now a Telephone Account Manager for Office Depot. It means I only call a certain territory of customers once a month and check on them; see if they need any supplies and such.

Update # 2...I'm going back to college! Yep, that's right, my faithful readers. Three years after attending MCC, I'm going back to school. I'll be going to Kaplan University, majoring in Business Administration. I'll be working on my bachelor's degree.

Update # 3...I've made a decision, and I'm going to stick to it this time. I'm going out for the Nauvoo Pageant next year. I checked with my academic advisor about it, and she said that I could take a summer term off to do it. Besides, a friend in the core cast (and you know who you are!!!!) has been wanting me to do it since 2005 when the pageant started. And after what happened last summer with Lucky Stiff, I think it's time for me to do a drama production with other LDS peeps.

That, my friends, is what's going on with me lately.

Slan go foill...

I have survived...

It's official: I have survived training!

Tomorrow will be the big test, and my first FULL day on the phones at work. I'm a little nervous and am hoping that I'll be a little more comfortable with the call flow. I think after three days away from work and totally resting up, I should be fine.

I like my new co-workers, and am hoping to be a light and example to them. Perhaps things at TMone will be better than they were at TLCA. The environment's ten x better by far, but I think we're still in the honeymoon stage. I shall wait and see what happens.

Slan go foill...

Made a change...

I made a big change in my life. And that was in the job department.

That's right, my faithful readers; I'm no longer working at Thomas L. Cardella & Associates. Because of the fact that the schedule changed too much and there was always the chance I could be forced to work Sundays again, I decided to make a change. It happened very fast; and I didn't really have a chance to say goodbye properly.

I'm now working at TMone in Iowa City. It's basically the same kind of job, only it's outbound and it's a Mon-Fri gig from 8-5. It's perfect. Right now I'm still training, but I'm doing well, being a sponge and soaking up as much information as I can. I want to be a good Inside Sales Rep, and not let my bosses down.

Slan go foill...

Loss...and lots of funny memories

I know it's silly as heck, because she was an animal, but it doesn't matter. She drove me nuts, nipping at my ankles and feet and was underfoot a lot when I lived at home in Muscatine, and I haven't seen her since Christmas, but I'm gonna miss her.

I'm talking about the family cat, Athena. She died sometime either last night or this morning at home. She was sixteen, which translates to 96 in cat years.

I was sixteen years old when my brother, Dan, got her and her brother Aires from a litter of kittens that a family friend had. Aires died back in 2003 right after Christmas. But I digress...

Dan was a huge cat person, so he liked having the kittens around. They were pretty darn rambunctious back then, jumping on people and scratching my legs (and pantyhose) before getting de-clawed. I remember seeing them lay down at both ends of my nephew (he was a newborn at the time), acting like they were his guard kitties.

A couple of years later, I was getting ready to start college and one of my friends was dating my brother at the time and hanging out at the house a lot (to the point where she was leaving things there). Athena would go up to my brother's room and bring down pairs of socks my friend would leave up there, carrying them in her mouth. We used to joke that she was a jealous kitty and trying to kick my bro's girlfriends out of the house.

I also remember seeing my oldest nephew get batted by Athena's paws every time he'd walk by where she was sprawled on the floor, and he'd always say, "Don't, kitty!" It took him some time to learn how to say her name.

I'm feeling sad, because this is another reminder that things change and don't stay the same. When I go home to Muscatine to visit, Athena won't be there, running to the door to greet me. I won't hear her meowing, and try to meow back at her. Yeah, she was a pain (especially when I tried to keep her from getting cat hair all over my outfit for my date last year and keep her from nipping at said date's ankles), but she was a part of the family, and I am going to miss her. *snif*

Slan go foill...

25 Things of Randomness

I actually did this back in December on Facebook and forgot about putting it here. Better late than never, I suppose...

1. I'm a huge fan of Anuna, an Irish choral group.

2. I'm a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

3. As of late, I've been selling fashions for J.Crew.

4. I recently moved out of my parents' house to take a job in Coralville.

5. I love going to Erin Feis in Rock Island every September.

6. While I haven't found my eternal companion, I recently got back into the dating scene, sort of.

7. I love singing along with my CDs.

8. I recently got an MP3 player.

9. I miss seeing my parents every day.

10. I was hoping to be in the Nauvoo Pageant next summer, but now work is going to make that impossible.

11. I'm hoping to take a couple Institute of Religion classes this semester.

12. I'm an avid reader. Just ask my mom and roommate.

13. I love going to my best friend's orchestra concerts.

14. I've seen Riverdance three times.

15. I love the Irish band The Chieftains.

16. I'm learning how to speak Spanish.

17. I can say a few Irish Gaelic phrases.

18. I love Celtic Woman.

19. I took to the musical theatre stage for the last time this past summer.

20. I love hanging out with my other best friend; she's like a sister to me.

21. My testimony has grown since I've moved out on my own.

22. I have two older brothers, Dan and Dave.

23. I want to go to Ireland someday.

24. I've been to Mexico, Canada, and London, England.

25. I'm hoping to find a voice teacher and start taking voice lessons again.

Shining Water by Anuna

In all my time of having this blog, I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this Irish choir very much. They're my favorite group of all time (right up there with The Moody Blues). Here's one of their vids off of YouTube. I love this song. Enjoy!

Poem out of a church magazine...

I actually found this poem in the June 2009 Ensign, and it was exactly what I needed. In fact, I'm going to Xerox it and hang it up in my cubicle at work.

Walking With Two Sisters by Larry Hiller

Faith walks before me,
Holding up her lamp
As I try not to stumble in the ink-dark hours before the dawn.
Her light illuminates
One step and then another.
Beside me, Hope, arm linked with mine, encourages and steadies.
Sometimes in the tedium,
Distracted by the pain,
My mind begins to wander, then my feet. I hesitate.
Unsure, I look to Hope.
Her hand takes mine.
The touch reminds me of another hand held out to me,
One pierced and scarred
Yet oh so tender
Lifting me and blessing me when I had fallen and despaired.
Remembering,
I move ahead
Buoyed up by Hope, who sees the end with perfect clarity.

Slan go foill...

What is wrong with me?!?!?!

There's got to be something wrong with me.

I just found out that a friend of mine from church got engaged last night. Yes, I'm happy for her, but it brings out the question: what is wrong with me that I can't find someone for myself? I'm loving, I'm caring. Okay, I can't really cook, but I'm working on that. But something is definitely lacking in me because I'm still, sadly, single!

Did I spend more time with my books than I did at singles activities? Am I spending more time reading than flirting? Is Ann right? Do I need to "sex" myself up, lose weight, wear more makeup, maybe wear more revealing clothes?

I suppose I have some thinking to do.

Slan go foill...

For the first time in a very long time...going back to Pat McGuire's...

Yes, last night for the first time in MONTHS, my parents and I went to Pat McGuire's to see the Irish band Stephen's Green. My intention was to go so I could say goodbye to my friends there since I really didn't get a chance to do so when I moved to Coralville.

My parents picked me up at my apartment around 3:45 pm and we took the hour long drive to Davenport and got to Pat McGuire's around quarter to five. Mom dropped Dad and me off and then went to run an errand. She came back a little while later.

Because we hadn't been able to get a reservation, we ended up sitting at the bar for a bit. But some of the reservations were canceled, so we were able to move to our old table before the first set. First set was the usual stuff, with a new song tossed in (and I for the life of me can't remember what the name was!). They also played The Wild Colonial Boy, A Rainy Night in Soho, and Danny Boy for us.

Second set brought German Clock Winder, Charlie and the MTA, Finnegan's Wake, and The Unicorn! (among other selections!) After several months of being away, it felt so nice to be back on that stage being a Unicornette! Next month, I'd love to bring Melissa with me so we can be Unicornettes together. Then again, I'm not sure she'd be comfortable there.

I also got a once in a lifetime chance: I got to sing with the band! It wasn't until much later, during the third set, but it was so much fun. I sang "Carrick Fergus", using the Celtic Woman lyrics to Andy and Martin's accompaniment. Watch this space and Facebook for pics coming up of my performance.

I also got to see some old friends and let them know what I've been up to. Tommy, the manager of Pat McGuire's, commented that I seemed older, more seasoned. I told him that living on my own in Coralville did that to me.

We also made a tentative reservation for June 30th when the band comes back, but it will depend on my work schedule and how Mom's feeling. But hopefully, it will pan out and I'll get to see the old gang again.

Slan go foill...

April was a very hard month for me...

Yes, April was a very hard month for me, because of my work.

Because of my work, I was forced to work on Sundays for a month. It was absolutely horrible; having to break the Sabbath because of work. I felt as if my spirit was becoming sick. Even though I was able to take the Sacrament at IC 2nd Ward, and go to the Spanish language Sacrament meeting, it just wasn't the same as attending all three of my meetings and getting the fellowship and love from my ward family.

However, I did learn something. I learned to truly appreciate the Sabbath and strive to keep it holy even more. I didn't really get what it meant to me until I had to lose it for a month. That month was torture and I hope I never have to go through that again.

Slan go foill...

Two very different best friends...

I have two very different best friends; one in the Church, and one of the world. But they both mean the world to me.



Ann and I met back in September 2006 at Pat McGuire's Bar and Grill. We shared a common interest: a love for the Irish band Stephen's Green. As we got to know each other, I learned that she was a sweet lady. I felt comfortable talking with her about my faith and beliefs, and she never poked fun at me.

And then, there's Melissa...



Melissa and I met back in the summer of 2007. However, we really didn't get to know each other better until early 2008, but for some reason, from the moment we met, I had a feeling we were going to be great friends and we've become just that. I can tell her anything. We're close like sisters. In fact, there are times when I feel closer to her than I do to Ann.

When I feel like I'm ready to give up, she gives me encouragement. When I cry, she's ready to give me a shoulder to cry on. She's an angel.

I love both these women with every fiber of my being...

Slan go foill...

Staying strong and vigilant in the gospel...

It's very hard in this time to stay strong in the gospel. There are many things that can distract us from what we're supposed to do. And there are things that go on in our lives that make us vulnerable to temptation, loneliness, wanting to be accepted by others. I know this because I've been there, several times.

One of the more recent times happened a month before I moved to Coralville. I was at Erin Feis with my parents and this Irish band, The Larkin and Moran Brothers, was playing. I was spending a lot of time with one of the guys, Mike Larkin, and there was some good natured flirting going on. I was lonely and vulnerable. Nothing really happened, and it wasn't until later that I found out that he was married. I went to Melissa for advice on how not to let this happen again. She was very understanding and we had a long talk about when we're vulnerable is the time we need to stay strong and vigilant, so we're not doing anything we shouldn't. It was quite an eye opener for me about what I needed to do to not let myself get into that kind of position again.

That said, I must away to finish getting ready for work.

Slan go foill...

LIttle tastes of spring...teasers...and a surprise birthday party

I think winter is just about gone, at least I hope it is.

This past weekend, I started my St. Patrick's day celebrations with a party at the apartment which ended up being a surprise birthday party courtesy of my roommate. She had Jeremy pick me up from work and then he and I stopped at Walgreens and browsed for a bit before going home. Other friends showed up, like Nicole and Ryan, and Andy, and Nicole and Kristy brought out a chocolate cake, courtesy of Hy-Vee and everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It was nice. I have friends who love me.

The weather was actually starting to get warm this weekend. On Sunday, it was pretty warm and Kristy, Nicole, and I had a picnic out on the balcony of our apartment. Then Kristy and Nicole went with Ryan and Trevor to the park. It was that nice. Monday was even better. I only needed my pink windbreaker when I went out to get my taxes done. Tuesday, I didn't even need a jacket and spent some time out on my balcony, dressed in green of course.

But now it's back to cooler temps. But at least the winter coat doesn't have to come out anymore.

Slan go foill...

Didn't think turning a year older would be so much fun!!! Tale of my 33rd birthday!

It was everything I wanted and more.

It started the day before my b-day (Monday) with my parents, my roommate Kristy, and my other best friend, Melissa, meeting at the Olive Garden in Coralville. After a nice dinner (and being serenaded by the Olive Garden staff and been given cake) the 'rents went back to Muscatine while Kristy, Melissa, and I went to FHE. After FHE, I went with Melissa to her house in North Liberty where I was planning to spend the night since she and I were going to attend the temple in Nauvoo on my birthday (I haven't been able to go since September, so I've been wanting this for SO long!).

The b-day temple trip was so awesome. Melissa and I took two of my family file names and then we did some sealings. We managed to get my grandparents on my dad's side, my great-grandparents on my mom's side (both sets) sealed, and my deceased aunts sealed to their parents (my paternal grandparents). The Spirit was so strong yesterday; it was incredible. :) After the temple closed one of the temple missionaries, Sister Cottle, who is friends with Melissa, invited us over for a birthday dinner (because Melissa had mentioned to her that it was my birthday). Dinner was wonderful, and I got to know Bro and Sis. Cottle, and was able to tell them about how I was converted to the church. After dinner and dessert, we headed back to Iowa City/Coralville. On the way back, I mentioned to Melissa that this birthday was well spent. She kept saying, "It's not over yet."

She was right.

We were on the outskirts of Iowa City when Jeremy called me to wish me a happy birthday. He and I gabbed for a bit then he asked me to pass him over to Melissa. She started talking with him in Spanish over the phone, and then after I got off the phone with him, she explained that he was going to meet us at my apartment for a surprise for me. Turns out, they had been planning this for a while, to do something like this for my birthday. So Melissa and I got to my apartment before he did, and we managed to tidy up a little bit. When he got there, we hung out for a bit and then he left just as Kristy got home. So Kristy, Melissa, and I had apple tart with the ice cream that Jeremy had gotten for me (and that totally hit the spot!!!).

It was the best birthday ever. I didn't even mind turning 33. :)

Slan go foill...

A sigh of relief...

I'm breathing a sigh of relief for the first time since I've started working at TLCA. I think I'll be able to handle this job.

This week and last week, I've been getting good monitor scores. Last Wednesday, I got a 100 from J.Crew, and yesterday I got a 97.5 from internal. So I think I'm doing something right.

Yes, day shift agrees with me.

That said, I must away. Need to look at a song to sing as a solo for Relief Society tomorrow.

Slan go foill...

New shift...

Today will be my second day on the new shift, and I'm enjoying it so far. There are times however, when I'm not sure how to react because at the times that my lunch hour and last break are, used to be when I would first come in to work, and when I would be taking my "lupper" break. I'll get used to that weirdness. For now, I'm counting my blessings that this happened.

More later on how this answer to prayer came after a trial of my faith. For now I'm off to finish getting ready for work. :)

Slan go foill...

At last!!!! Part deux...

It's been a long time coming, but it's finally happened!

I'm going to day shift at work!

My shift will be Wednesday through Saturday 7am-5:30pm starting this next week. It means I'll have Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays off, and my evenings will be free for Institute classes and church singles activities. Yay!!!!!!!!!

The perfect shift would be Monday through Friday 7am-3:30pm, but J.Crew and TLCA need people on the weekends, and that's okay. I'll take my small victories when I can and make the best of a weird and sometimes difficult situation.

This is the answer to a lot of prayer, some by me and some by others on my behalf. Now if I can just get my quality scores up to where I want them to be, I'll be set.

Slan go foill...

I'm so thankful for the gospel and the commandmants...

I'm so thankful for the gospel and the commandments that I made the commitment to keep. Yesterday just reaffirmed my testimony.

One of our supervisors at work and another co-worker were fired for doing something so stupid, something that would've easily been prevented. While it will remain unspoken, it just reaffirmed my commitment to obeying the commandments of the gospel. While what said supervisor and co-worker did was stupid and definitely grounds for termination, they are still in my prayers as this is not a good time for ANYONE to be out of work.

Slan go foill...

At The Ceili

I love Celtic Woman. This video came from their DVD A New Journey and someone put it up on YouTube. :) Enjoy!

Virginity must be the eptome of uncoolness...

I honestly have no clue how it happened, but my co-workers and I ended up on the topic of virginity. One of the girls asked me how old I was. I told her I was 32.

She was all like, "And you've never had sex?" Since it's never been a secret that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it's pretty much a given that I'm saving myself for marriage.

My reply (no shame or regret), "That's right."

Her reply (with scornful laughter), "You don't know what you're missing."

This is why I don't get along with some of the people on my shift. I try to be nice to them and talk with them. I give an inch and they take a mile. Tonight was evidence of that, with this co-worker deciding that my being a virgin made me uncool.

Personally, I prefer to save myself for my eternal companion (if my Heavenly Father decides to bless me with one of course), knowing that I'm coming into the marriage completely and totally morally clean. I understand that I'm working with some people who don't share this belief. It just makes me sad that people make light of moral issues and treat intimacy lightly. It is a God given gift for two people to join together in such a way that they are completely one; heart, body, and soul. And that kind of unity is only right and proper in a marriage relationship.

I am content in waiting until I'm married to completely give myself to my eternal companion. The waiting will be so worth it.

Slan go foill...

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year, my faithful readers! New year, clean slate!

Although I'm not doing very well at keeping one of my resolutions. I had planned to study the scriptures regularly, but roommie and I both were tired last night and we didn't do our scripture study like we usually do when I get home from work. And she hasn't come home yet tonight.

Guess if I want to keep my resolution, maybe I should try scripture study on my own sometimes. Hmmmm...

Slan go foill...