Shadows of the Past

Everyone has things from their past that they're ashamed. I know I do. And I have a lot of regret.

When I was younger (definitely pre-baptism), there was a guy in my life, and I will admit I was a bit of a brat to him. I'm old enough where I can admit accountability for it. But because of it, there were scars left on my soul that probably won't heal. And, I'm afraid to take chances with any man, even now with someone who will remain nameless.

I know I have the gospel and I am a daughter of God, but some old habits die hard. This person from my high school years is a dark chapter in my life that I will never repeat.

But I also know now that had I been raised a Mormon and had the knowledge of temple marriage and LDS dating, this person who was a dark chapter in my life would never have gotten a first glance from me. I wouldn't have gone so crazy and done and said stuff back then that will remain unwritten here. That's where my regret lies.

I know what Mama Gelder would tell me at this point if she knew what was going on in my head. She would tell me to not look back, to remember my worth as a daughter of God. I need to remember this.

Slan go foill...

Pioneer heritage

Pioneer Day was yesterday, and today it's being observed since the holiday here in Utah just happened to fall on the Sabbath. It was a day well spent when my friend and I went to the hospital and spent the day with Deb.

But the holiday actually got me thinking about pioneers and our pioneer heritage. Since the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints really focuses on the pioneer heritage, what usually comes to mind is the groups that traveled across the country to settle here in Utah, like the handcart companies as depicted in the movie 17 Miracles, or the ones I'm reading about in The Work and the Glory series right now. Either way, I felt like I didn't have a pioneer heritage, and that thought made me sad.

However, during Relief Society yesterday, I learned that I do have a pioneer heritage. It's not the kind described in the above article, but it's a pioneer heritage nonetheless. My paternal grandfather, Ramiro Valdivia Sr., came up to the United States from Zacatecas, Mexico to seek a better life for himself and his future family. His cousin, Ishmael, was already settled in Topeka, Kansas, and that's where Grandpa settled and married my Grandmother Juana Valdivia. They raised their family, whose posterity included my father. Grandpa Valdivia was a pioneer because he had courage enough to leave Mexico and emigrate to a new country and start a new life.

And apparently, I started a pioneer heritage that I'm passing along to my own posterity. Because I took a leap of faith and left Iowa and all that was familiar to me and journeyed to Utah for a job, and to be closer to the Saints, that makes me a pioneer too. In fact, when I said on my Facebook the day I left Iowa on the train that with me being packed to the gills with three suitcases worth of stuff, I felt like a pioneer; my Aunt Berta commented that I was a pioneer.

So Grandpa Valdivia, on these two Pioneer Days, yesterday and today, I salute you for being a pioneer and coming to this country for a better life. Gracias!

Slan go foill...

Out of the loop...

Some friend I am. I've been concentrating on my job so much that I didn't know when friends were ailing. This happened twice. First Deb, then Tristan.

Deb's on the mend, and I've been trying to give support to her and her family as much as possible. In fact, she's improving by leaps and bounds that she may be released from the hospital as early as Tuesday. Yay!!!!

Tristan (friend from work) had surgery this past week. Thankfully, like Deb, she's also on the mend and I'm hoping to see her this week when I go back to work Tuesday.

But this has shown me that I've been a pretty awful friend for concentrating so hard on my job and not looking at the bigger picture, like friends who may need my support and prayers. I really need to work on that.

Slan go foill...

Life experiences

I've learned that life experiences, while not always pleasant, can be a blessing because they prepare you for something that a friend could go through that is somewhat similar and you can have empathy and support them through as much as possible.

This is so incredibly true for the past couple of weeks.

I speak of two of my friends that were associated with the Nauvoo Pageant at one time: The Dickamore Brothers, Jeff and Matt, and their two brothers Ben and Tony. Their mother is in the hospital, and for a few days after the initial incident, it looked grim.

The reason I note this on my blog is because as some of you readers know, my mother battled, and eventually died from, cancer. So as a result of that grueling life experience, I know what it's like to have a mother who's ailing so badly that you just want to cry, scream, and even rage.

I've decided to spend time with the woman in question, keeping her company, giving moral support when I can. I have yet to run into the boys, and that's okay. It's not about them. It's about their mother and giving support and service. In fact, today I spent over six hours at the hospital, and it was time well spent. I don't say this to boast; I say this because it made me genuinely happy to spend my Saturday with an incredible woman, a woman I'm beginning to love as much as my own mother.

Slan go foill...

Almost three months of settling in, job training, Nauvoo Pageant reunions, and making new friends...

It's been almost three months since I've taken that huge step and moved out here to Taylorsville, Utah. A lot has happened since then. There have been some bumps and bruises along the way, but there have also been some great blessings as well.

I started my new job at Convergys a week earlier than expected. It was so I could have a decent shift, one that didn't force me to work Sundays. The training was actually fun; my trainer Cragun was actually what was considered a Jack Mormon, meaning he respected us, but didn't believe as we do. There are a number of non-Mormons here in Utah, but there are enough members here to make the dating scene interesting.

In my new ward, I've become friends with young married couple Mike and Jessica. They live in a building here at the complex and I've been to their place to watch NCIS with them occasionally. I've also found a family to spend holidays with, Jessica's parents and siblings. In fact, I spent Memorial Day and Independence Day with them; got in a water fight with Mike during the latter holiday, but it was fun!

Just because I've started making new friends here and finding my niche, that doesn't mean I've forgotten my old friends, my Nauvoo Pageant friends. Friends like Darren, Paul 1 and Jen, Paul 2, Jeff, Aurora, Bradley, etc. I was able to see them a couple of times already this summer before some of them took off to help with the work in Nauvoo. I miss them and the pageant.

Yep, because of my new job, I'm not able to go to Nauvoo for the pageant. That's okay. I could recite it in my sleep. Besides, there's enough work and service to do here. I've been extended a calling in my ward as one of the single adult reps. Which reminds me, I should be off to start making phone calls...As soon as this headache goes away, that's what I plan to do.

Back to the pageant, I actually made some new friends that were involved in the pageant, like Logan, Alex, Melinda, Dan, Matt (past pageant guy), Rob, etc...It's been great.

All in all, I'm settling in wonderfully. And my ex-roommate is sending some of my stuff so I can start cooking and baking again. It'll be wonderful. I love Utah.

Slan go foill...