Letter to Mom...

Dear Mom,

It's your birthday. Today was also the day that I found out you wouldn't be able to stay on this side of the veil for much longer. When you told me that news a year ago today, my heart just dropped to the pit of my stomach! I was so scared. I didn't know what I would do without you.

From the time that I could do recitals, concerts, and plays, you were always there for me. Anita once said that I was your rock star, and she had a point. I think there was only a tiny handful of concerts and plays you weren't able to get to because you had to work. The rest you did everything you could to come. I remember when you bought a ticket to see Muscatine! The Musical and took a Friday night off work to come and see me!

I also remember the times that you would drive me to the temple, either in Nauvoo or in Los Angeles so I could get that bit of strength from temple service. I even remember when you joined the 3rd Branch temple trip and used your van to allow one of my other friends to go so he didn't have to go by himself and we rode down to Nauvoo. That was the day I had a handful of family file cards and we were going to do the work for your ancestors. Even though you couldn't go into the temple that day, you seemed happy that I wanted to give our relatives the chance that they didn't have in this mortal life.

What I remember the most are the little things: the way you used big words in conversations with me and I didn't know what they meant. It drove me crazy, and you would always say, "Look it up. What am I paying for your college for?" I also remember the bits of advice you gave me, especially when it came to me being single and watching people pair up and get married. When some of those marriages crashed and burned, you would turn to me and say, "See, I keep telling you." I also remember how angry you got with me a year ago, a couple of months before you died, because I said it was my own fault that you wouldn't be able to see me come out of the temple with my new husband because I couldn't land a man. You hated how I would be down on myself and even though you were sick, you let me know it!

I was thinking of you when I applied for the Nauvoo pageant and finished the process a couple of weeks before you passed through the veil. When I found out, I wanted to call you, but then I remembered that you were no longer here and wondered if you already knew on the other side that I had gotten in. You can thank one man for it: Paul Walstad. He'd kept on me from the time you and I met him in 2007 until I finally did it. And when I told him and another friend about how I wanted you to be there, they said you probably would be. I was also able to talk to people at the pageant about you and bear my testimony that I would be with you again. My new friends from the pageant all know about you and about how great you were. You may not have thought so, but you were a wonderful influence on me.

I also remember how you were so nice to my friends from 3rd Branch and IC 1st Ward, and that you were happy that they were there for me while you were suffering the effects of your cancer. They have been there for me in ways I never dreamed possible. When you really got sick, Abby came over and we sat in my room and talked. I showed her pictures of you and Dad on your wedding day and shared memories. The Gelders have also taken good care of me now that you're gone.

For your birthday, I do have a doctor's appointment, and then I may go and pick up a romance novel, or I may watch Pride and Prejudice; the Colin Firth version, mind you, because I know that's what you liked. :) I couldn't find lemon cupcakes, but I have white cupcakes and will be making a wish for you!

I also look forward to when I can finish what you've started in the temple. I know you're learning a lot from those who have gone before, and I wonder if you're being taught by Parley Pratt, Joseph Smith, or even President Gordon B. Hinckley. That thought makes me happy. And I'm also preparing myself to go to the temple on your behalf. It will be a great day when I can go for you and finish what you started all those years ago.

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you, forever...

Your daughter eternally...
Theresa
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