The past few years...

It's been a bumpy ride since I've moved to Utah. The highs have been very high and the lows very low.

I can't believe it's going to be eight years since I boarded the Amtrak train to come out here. I was alone with only my books and old MP3 player to keep me occupied. I felt like one of the pioneers packed to the gills with my clothing and other things that could fit into two pieces of luggage.

A lot has happened since I moved out here. I learned the hard way that not all Latter-day Saint men who served missions would be good to me and for me. In fact, I almost married a very toxic man. After that relationship ended, I took a couple of years to work on myself. I continued in my studies for my MBA, went on dates very seldom, and worked to better myself so I don't have to depend on a husband to support me. I also joined a community choir, Sterling Singers, and have been coming out of my shell that way too. I wanted to be in a good place for when Mr. Right came along.

When he did, I messed it up, and am scared that I may have missed my chance. I still have a ways to go. I just pray that I haven't messed things up with him.

Slan go foill...

Dating anxiety

Reflections:

I’ve never married. I hope to, and that’s why I went to a speed dating event the night before my birthday. I had fun just talking to different guys, and later dancing with a few of them. I made some decent friendships.

However, when I learned that I had two matches that came out of it, I was stunned! Amid my panic to not screw it up and come on strong, that’s exactly what happened! I almost had an anxiety attack over it yesterday.

I think I know why. I have a bad feeling that I was trying to sabotage it because of what happened to me years ago when I almost married an abusive man. I know not all men are like my ex-fiancé, and that I have a chance with a good man now.

I’m going to get a priesthood blessing this weekend so I can finish out my healing. I was able to get rid of one thing that I held onto that he’d given me, and now that I don’t use that item, it’s helping me in completing my healing.

However, I also firmly believe that the pressure that I felt was after a chat with someone about my matches. I was asked if I had gone out with either man.

Please don’t ask me that going forward. It contributed to the misunderstanding and my anxiety.

Thanks for reading. Slan go foil...

Pioneer Day

Today, back in 1847, President Brigham Young arrived in the Salt Lake Valley with his party of Latter-day Saints and said, "This is the place!" In 1846, the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had left Nauvoo, Illinois because they were driven out, and they wanted to find a place where they wouldn't be bothered, and where they could worship as their consciences dictated.

Today, I'm watching a similar kind of persecution, only it's not happening to the LDS Church; it's happening to the Muslims.

Ever since the attacks on September 11, 2001, and more recent terrorist attacks, the Muslim backlash is horrible. Only one percent of them are radical and the rest are God-fearing and law abiding. Two of them are colleagues of mine. They are wonderful women, but one is afraid of wearing her hijab out and about, because she doesn't want to be attacked. The other one wears different head coverings, but for the most part, she'll wear her hijab.

But at the end of the day, they still have a right to worship as they see fit. That's what supposed to be great about our country. We have freedom of religion, but now it's been, "Yeah, that's fine, except for Islam, because of the terror attacks." That is NOT okay! It's bigotry in its ugliest form, in my opinion. I told one of my Muslim friends that if someone wanted to physically attack her because of her faith, then they'd have to go through me first. I mean it. I won't let anyone attack her because of her faith.

So as we in Utah commemorate the day that our Latter-day Saint forebears came to this valley to worship as they saw fit, let us remember the current modern-day pioneers who are here in this country to safely worship as they see fit, Latter-day Saints, Muslims, etc.

Slan go foill

I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass!

With my illness, surgery, and recovery, I've lost a few pounds. I still have a ways to go before I hit the goal weight I want, for me, and not for any man.

What happened recently is that I met a man at my singles ward. He was 44, next to my 39. He seemed nice and a gentleman. So after our first date, which the majority of it was spent in the front seat of his car, talking, he messaged me, saying that he'd been having a great time getting to know me. He said I was so amazing, but for him to be romantically interested in me, I would need to lose some weight, and trade the churchy for sexy. He claimed to be saying this in love.

I was shocked, then sad, now, I'm ready to move on. I could be friends with him, but unless he has a major attitude adjustment, it would go no further.

My feelings are that I'd get fit for myself, and not a man. And as for trading the churchy for sexy: I talked about this incident on one of my singles groups on FB and what someone said has it succinctly: "That's trading the celestial for telestial."

With the Jordan River Temple closing for renovations in a few weeks, we were allowed to bear our testimonies. I felt the need to touch on my rough week because of this guy, and I added that I wouldn't trade my temple blessings for anything or anybody. And I will stick by that exactly. Nothing is worth spitting on those temple covenants, nothing and no one.

Slan go foill...

Health issues, surgery, and lovesickness...

So, a week or so after I was sealed to my parents, I had to undergo surgery.

What happened was that the week before the sealing, I started feeling sick. I had bad chest pains and was scared. But I was able to make them subside with medication, and the issue was under control...NOT!

A few days later, and a few days before the sealing, I woke up at 3 am, in severe pain, accompanied with some vomiting. That in itself scared the daylights out of me! One knew it was really bad when I couldn't watch my favorite show on demand, and ended up having to call in sick to work. I later called my health insurance provider and they recommended that I go to an urgent care facility, because it sounded like I was in a great deal of pain. I called my friend, Trish, and she took me to Insta-Care in Murray. Blood tests, EKG, chest x-ray all pointed to an ulcer at first, but the blood tests came back after I was released from Insta-Care showing that I had pancreatitis. Basically, it meant that my pancreatic enzyme levels, as well as my liver enzyme levels, were dangerously high. This can be caused by a gall bladder stone that can be blocking to the bile duct (ewwww!). The recommended treatment: surgery to remove the gall bladder to keep it from happening again. This was discovered when I had to go to Intermountain Salt Lake Clinic for an ultrasound. When the surgeon met with me later, he told me that it was serious, and could kill me if we weren't careful. So he had me take another blood test to see if my enzyme levels were back down. If not, I was going to have to be in the hospital that night. Thankfully, because of the priesthood blessing I'd been given the night before, blood tests showed that the levels were going back down. And then, I learned that my surgery was having a change of venue. It was because IMC wasn't in my insurance provider's network. As a result, I was referred to Salt Lake Regional Medical Center and had another surgical consult, as well as more blood drawn (I swear the hospitals are filled with vampires!!!!). But the tests came back with my enzyme levels back down to normal, so until that day, I was forced on a liquid diet. Couldn't stand it!

But once I was off the liquid diet, I was able to celebrate my sealing with two dinner outings. The first was that night; the second was a couple of days later, with a guy buddy that I care for deeply (and that's all I will say).

The day before the surgery, guy buddy and another one of my friends gave me a priesthood blessing to help me cope with the stress of the surgery and the strain it would have on my body. I was told in the blessing to be patient during my recovery. I suspect the Spirit told my friend that I had a tendency to do too much too fast during my recovery from illnesses in the past.

The day of, I went to the hospital with one of my Relief Society sisters and she and our RS president waited with me until it was time for me to go to the OR. They saw me all decked out in my gown, sockies, and surgical cap to protect my hair. I was wheeled away to the OR, had a mask put over my nose and mouth, felt a burning sensation, via the IV drip, and I floated away...

I woke up a little while later in recovery, with Lindsey, the RS president still with me. She stayed until I was released since it was an outpatient procedure. She then took me home, made sure I was fed and medicated before putting me to bed, and then she was texting friends and family, including the friend who'd given the blessing the day before, letting him know that I'd call him the following day, which I did.

The week of recovery was pretty uneventful. I was in a bit of pain and discomfort, and tried to keep up with my class, and did quite well, thank you! Something else happened during my recovery. I developed feelings for a man, the first man I've had feelings for since the abusive relationship. Sadly, for me, he just wants friendship. I still hold out a bit of hope and will continue to do so for a time.

Slan go foill...

Singles wards, Mom, Dad, temple covenants, and...the temple!!!!

It's been several months since I last wrote in here, but a lot has happened!

Since May, I've been attending a singles ward, and it's been awesome! I'm able to get there on my own, and I like the location. It has a lot of history.

Finally, in August, I was able to get started on my dad's temple work. The night before I did, however, I had an in-home accident. I was knocked silly, but not too terribly hurt after slipping and falling in my bathtub whilst taking a bath. It did shake me up a bit because I thought I was seriously hurt. A phone call to my friend, Tessie, helped reassure me that everything was all right.

I told her about my plans to have Dad's temple work started the following day.

Her response, "That's why this is happening."

She suggested that I verbally command the adversary to leave my apartment (which I did after we got off the phone), and then watching something that would distract me before going to sleep. It worked and I felt better.

The next day, I left work early and went down to the Salt Lake Temple where I was met by one of my guy buddies. It was great watching him do some of the ordinances on my father's behalf. The rest of the ordinances were finished later, and it was in October that I was finally sealed to my parents.

I really remember a lot of the obstacles that were in my way that week: work stress, homework stress and a final exam, and a nasty attack of pancreatitis caused by a gall stone that left me very ill and in a lot of pain. It was determined that I would need to have surgery to take care of it (and that's another story altogether!!!!). But with the power of the priesthood, and my own determination to follow doctor's orders, the surgery ended up having a change of venue, and could be postponed because my pancreatic enzyme levels had gone back down to normal (and when I got sick, they were sky high!!!).

The Spirit was strong when I went to the temple that day for my temple shift. I left early to be prepared for the sealing. When I came into the room, my friends were there. A few from my temple shift; a couple from my current ward; and several from my home ward; as well as other friends from work and other places. Some of them told me later that they could feel my parents close by and could see the peace on my face and in my countenance that it was done at last.

I have a strong testimony that the gospel is true; that temple work is important, and that if we are faithful, we'll be with our loved ones forever. Nothing is more important than that. And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen!

Slan go foill...

My dad...

Amid all the stuff that was happening to me with my emotionally abusive relationship (see previous post), I also ended up being dealt another devastating loss.

On August 22, 2014, I got a phone call from my brother that I never wanted to get: Dad was in the hospital and it didn't look good. It didn't take long for him to go downhill and he finally passed away three days later, on Monday August 25, 2014, the day before Mom's B-day.

Uncle Carlos later said it was because he wanted to be with Mom on her birthday, but I'm not so sure.

As I went through the stages of mourning, the denial, the anger (and I was pissed off big time!!!!), the bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance, I had to accept that my dad had issues and demons, and they ended up killing him. But that I can break those cycles in my own life, and I already am.

My dad was a heavy drinker, had been from the time I was alive, or possibly before. Alcoholism is rarely pretty. There were times when Dad was drunk, and then he'd say things that were degrading and verbally abusive. My brothers apparently endured a lot of that at his hands.

In a way, so did I, especially when I decided to become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He HATED that. He always said that I was a Catholic; I was born a Catholic, baptized a Catholic, and would always be a Catholic. When he was drunk, especially as I became a mid-single adult, he'd ask when I was getting married. When I told him I didn't know, he'd say, "You're not getting any younger." He finally apologized for that, but I could tell he was tickled pink when I got engaged. I'm glad he didn't see the emotional abuse I went through to try to make one of his wishes come true and get married and settle down.

At least when Mom was alive, she kept him under control, especially with his drinking and smoking. When she died, he went downhill. It was like he didn't really care. He figured with my brothers and I leading our own lives, Dan in Bettendorf, Dave in Moline, and me here in Salt Lake City, UT, that we were fine.

I'm not really fine. Sometimes great things happen, like me starting my MBA Program at ITT Technical Institute and getting excellent grades, and then I want to call him, but then I remember that he's not here and I can't call him anymore. :(

What I am looking forward to doing, and I think it will bring about the ultimate healing for me, is having Dad's temple work done for him. I have a friend who can help me with that, and then I'll be sealed to my parents in the temple, as though I'd been born under the temple covenant. I have a feeling Dad will accept the work. My friend Kym once said that when he's on the other side of the veil in the Spirit World, all the alcoholism isn't there and his mind's clearer. Here's hoping he'll be receptive.

Slan go foill...

Two years away, and life's lessons

It's been almost two years since I last posted in here. A lot has happened in that time.

My previous relationship ended...not with a bang, or a whimper, but rather a shrug. He wanted the benefits of a relationship, and not the relationship.

Which sent me into a relationship that I thought was a dream come true, but turned out to be my worst nightmare. We rushed into the engagement very quickly, and it was the beginning of an emotional roller coaster for me. It was also a red flag for an abusive relationship. There were other red flags that I kept ignoring until January of this year: he'd be hot and then cold; he wanted me to spend all my time with him; he wanted my likes and dislikes to mirror his exactly; he didn't like that I spent time with his family without him, like when he was at school or work, and he left me to my own devices when I was visiting; he also wanted me to agree with him on everything. He also wanted me to do things that were only appropriate in marriage before we were to marry. I refused of course.

That's NOT how I operate! But the straw the finally broke my back was when he took my phone and deleted his stuff off of it. What gave him the right to invade my privacy like that?!

The reason I'm putting this on my very public blog, is that I want to warn others the way someone in my ward warned me.

If there are any of the abovementioned behaviors happening in your relationship, it is NOT okay. You need to get out posthaste! I'm glad I did.

It also showed me that it's okay to be alone. It's better to be alone than to be in a relationship like that. If I'd married him, I would've become a shell of my former self and I would've been unequally yoked.

Slan go foill...

The Irish Colleen is in California

Greetings from California, Sylmar to be exact.

It's the first time I've been here since Mom died, and it's been a few months since my grandpa died, so it was time for me to go back and spend some quality time with my grandma.

It's been great so far. I've been to visit Grandpa's grave and paid my respects. I also had a chance to visit my great-grandma's grave (whose temple work is already done), and my great-aunt Rachel's grave. There's so much I can do in respect to their temple work. I can't wait to get started. :)

But, most importantly, I'm still doing the missionary work on my end. I've given a Book of Mormon to my cousin and her parents. I pray that some seeds are planted. That's all that I can do at this point.

Slan go foill...

Something new, something different, and something I think I'm finally ready for...

Last week, I went out to the foyer after church in my singles branch. I thought I'd seen one of my guy buddies that I hadn't had a chance to talk with for a while since it is a HUGE branch and I sometimes don't get to see my buddies every week. So it was out to the foyer with me and I ran into the person. He turned around, and BAM!

It wasn't my guy buddy; but it was someone who's become special to me. His name is Bregg and he attends the singles ward that shares the building with the branch. He admitted to me that he likes attending the branch sometimes because it seems like we have more fun there. We started talking and exchanged contact information and we were talking until Kym came out from her choir practice and we could head back to Taylorsville and I could get back to my ward to help in Relief Society. The next day, I received a text message from him, and I called him back, letting him know that I had friended him on Facebook. He responded by saying, "Yeah, we can be friends. I hope we can be more than friends." That really threw me for a loop. Later that night when we were able to talk more, I admitted that I was interested in seeing where this was going to go. So far, things are going well, and now I'm thinking about what happened with me in the past, why I was skittish around guys and relationships.

The last time I allowed myself to get close to someone and he would put his arm around me, I would flinch and feel so uncomfortable. Of course, back then, I was still living in Muscatine, and probably dealing with some emotional residue from incidents that will remain unwritten. They're in the past, and they need to stay there because I think I've healed enough from them now. Friday night was proof of that.

Friday night, we went out and I was comfortable with him holding my hand, and being affectionate with me. And I think I know why now...

Back when I was younger, I was skittish because I wasn't ready; I wasn't healed enough. And because I'm now away from the places and things that triggered the fear, I feel like I'm finally ready to allow myself to get close to a man. I'm looking forward to seeing where this could go.

Slan go foill...

Cancer sucks!

I hate cancer with a passion. Why can't it leave us alone?!

It's bad enough that it had to take my mother, but now it has to take someone as awesome as Tony Mulherin.

I first met Tony at a singles activity that was being held at his home in West Branch. He attended the Iowa City 1st Ward, which I later attended as well. And from what I can remember, he came from a similar religious background as me; being Catholic and then finding the gospel as I did.

I guess he's had cancer for a while, and then he took a turn for the worse. I'm still waiting for word that he's passed away. Either way, it sucks!

Godspeed, Tony. Say hi to my mother for me.

Slan go foill...

What is our world coming to?

I was at work today when my colleague told me that he got a text message from a friend of his saying that there was a bombing at the Boston Marathon this afternoon at around 3 pm local time. When I got off work later and had called my sister-in-law, she told me about it too.

What is this world coming to when someone decides to bomb an area where there's a marathon? What is this world coming to when some hothead decides to shoot up a school or a movie theatre? I want to know. I just DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!

What's really sad is that one of the 2 fatalities was an eight year old child. :( I have a nephew who's just two years older than that and I don't even want to think about how I would feel if anything like that happened to him.

I'm more than just a bit scared, but then I remember the scripture: "Be still and know that I am God." I need to keep this in mind now. My thoughts and prayers are with the families of the victims.

Slan go foill...

Why I don't want to live in Iowa ever again...

There are a ton of reasons why I don't want to live in Iowa again. Sure, I could handle going back to visit, but to live there? No.

Here are some of the reasons:

No mountains! It's so flat there, and after living in Utah for almost two years, I'm used to seeing the mountains outside my window, on my way to places, and elsewhere.

No job prospects. Especially in my hometown of Muscatine, there aren't a whole lot of job prospects.

The "cliquish" attitude of Muscatine and other towns like it in Iowa. I had to put up with it for over 30 years; people looking down on me and mine because of where we lived. We were the poor Mexicans from the south end of Muscatine. I watched my brother get passed over in sports because of it. I suffered through it myself in choir and drama club because of it. Why would I put myself through it again?

No spiritual support. Even though I love them, my family is not very supportive of me spiritually. With Mom gone, I no longer have that buffer of support from her, at least on this side of the veil. And even though I have no family here in Utah, my friends, especially those in the Midvale Union Fort 9th Branch, more than make up for it.

So, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I can stay here in Utah for a good long time. I've gone from being an Iowan to being a Utahn at heart.

Slan go foill...

Is it too much to ask to have some honesty in a friendship?

I'm angry! Why can't men be honest?

I invited a now ex-guy buddy to General Conference because I had tickets for the Sunday afternoon session, and he tentatively accepted. A few days later, last night actually, he sent me a message on Facebook telling me that he was dating someone new and that girl didn't want him spending time with other single women. Why couldn't he tell me when I initially invited him? Why wasn't he honest with me?

I'm going to ask him tomorrow, and I'm going to tell him how it made me feel. I felt worthless, and I still do!

Slan go foill...

Wow! It's been a while...

Well, it's been a while since I last posted in here. A little under a year probably, and so much has happened.

First of all, up until October, 2012, I was attending the Brookshire Ward in Taylorsville. And then, I found the Midvale Union Fort 9th Branch. This is a midsingles branch that caters to members of the Church who are 31-45 years of age and are still single, or have been married and divorced w/o custody of minor children. I had been doing double duty, attending the Brookshire Ward, and the branch for two months. And I was planning to finish out the year that way, and start fresh with the branch in the new year.

And then something happened that changed my plans drastically...

The branch had been meeting at the Midvale UF Stake Center. However, parking there was a horrid nightmare for 600+ singles, even with carpooling. Just to describe how large this branch is (and branch in my opinion is an oxymoron), we have 3, count them, THREE elders quorums, 6 Relief Societies, and I believe one quorum of high priests (yes, there are single high priests in this branch, and one of them is a couple of years younger than me, give or take; and that's nice having a contemporary who is advanced in the Melchizidek Priesthood; he's got my back!). This branch encompasses Taylorsville, Kearns, Murray, Utah and other 'burbs in SLC, going all the way down into Utah County too. The boundaries start at 5600 S and southward. Crazy, huh?

Yep, it was totally crazy. And because of that, the branch presidency had a major quandary on their hands. They didn't know how to solve the parking problem and had made a matter of prayer for weeks. At first President Norton thought he would have to dissolve the branch and tell everyone to go back to their family wards (which in my opinion would've led to me resigning myself to become a spinster, a fate worse than death I thought at the time). In fact, at the big meeting, he was in tears, saying that in his prayers, he kept saying, "This is not fair. These are my kids." But he got a major wake up call from Heavenly Father, saying that we weren't President Norton's kids; we were Heavenly Father's kids, and that he had a plan for the branch. It was decided that the branch would move to an old Church building by the U of U Institute building that wasn't being used. This facility had a large enough chapel and cultural hall to accommodate all of us (all 700+ of us), and it had a tiered parking garage. And here's the kicker: the meeting times would be moving to 9 am from the 1 pm that we were all used to. It was in that moment that I made my decision. I'd had my paperwork requesting my records to be transferred all filled out and signed by both me and my family ward bishop. It just had to be turned in. I decided to transfer then, so I could continue going to the branch. I turned it in to a member of the branch presidency, and a week (and one hospitalization) later, I was a member of the Midvale Union Fort 9th Branch.

In this, I've been blessed. My Relief Society president moved into my apartment complex soon after and she and I have been carpooling together to church. Recently, with my calling to serve in the temple on Saturdays, she's been giving me rides to my temple shift. It was her idea too. She wanted to attend the temple, and reasoned that the best way for her to motivate herself to do it was to drive me to my temple shift and then do some temple service while I was on shift.

All in all, I've been majorly blessed. I just hope I can continue to be so. I'm just taking it one day at a time and doing all I can.

Slan go foill...

The beauty of music

From the time I could walk and talk, I've always loved music. And when it came to music, I was very picky and choosy about what music I was going to listen to.

According to my mother, God assoil her, I had an eclectic taste in music. Meaning, I liked all kinds, or most kinds of music.

When I was growing up, I listened to whatever was on the radio, along with children's songs. But I still sang along with those songs that I liked. When I was ten, I discovered The Monkees and The Moody Blues, although I wouldn't really get to appreciate the latter until ten years later.

When I was twelve, I found that I liked The Smothers Brothers (I even went to see them with Mom when I was fifteen). A year later, I joined the legions of fans of New Kids on the Block and Tommy Page.

As I got older, my tastes in music changed, evolved, and matured, and my favorite repertoire included artists like Barry Manilow, Suzy Bogguss, and Colin Raye, among others. When I was in my early twenties, I found the beauty of Irish music, thanks to Riverdance. And thus began my journey of finding Ireland's national choir, Anuna and discovering the beauty of Michael McGlynn's compositions.

These days, I listen to a lot of favorite artists from my past and present. The past ones for nostalgia mostly. But currently, my favorite artists include Barry Manilow, Lynn Hilary, Mindy Gledhill, Anuna, Dallyn Vail Bayles, Jenny Phillips, Gaelic Storm, Stephen's Green, Lunasa, Solas, The Chieftains, The Bear River Band, Cranachan the list goes on and on.

There's something about music that has always soothed me. I hope that when my time comes to leave this world and pass through the veil, there's a nice soothing piece playing in the background to help me on my way.

Slan go foill...

Our loved ones are still here...

I felt a prompting to post this to my blog upon reading an interview that Monkee Mike Nesmith gave in the wake of the death of Davy Jones. He said that he wasn't going to give up his former bandmate to mortality just yet, that Davy was still around. I wish there was a way I could send this to him. This poem by Henry Scott Holland was read at my mother's memorial service a little over two years ago by my niece, Isabella.

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.

~Henry Scott Holland

Slan go foill...

A week ago today, I lost part of my childhood...

I came home from work last Wednesday, all ready to start my vacation. When I logged onto the Internet, I got the shock of my life...

Davy Jones, Monkees' singer, had passed away from a heart attack that morning.

When I was ten years old, I was a fan of the Monkees thanks to MTV playing their TV show reruns. I developed a huge crush on Davy when I first heard him sing "Daydream Believer".

I'm still having a hard time processing that he's gone. It's been a week since he passed through the veil. I feel like I lost part of my childhood. At least I have the memories and the songs. I'll have to cling to them.

Davy, thanks for the music and the memories. I'll cherish them for the rest of my life. Slainte!

Slan go foill...

Happy birthday, Isabelle

A year ago today, my niece by "adoption", Isabelle Gelder made her way into the world. We already knew that Alan and Lara were having a girl. So it was just a matter of waiting to meet her.

I ended up going to the hospital the following night after work to meet her. I held her and sang "Silent Night" in Irish Gaelic to her. When she cried, she squeaked. She was way too adorable.

Over the next few months, I spoiled her shamelessly. I got her little outfits and St. Patrick's Day socks. And I would sometimes go over the Alan and Lara's to visit her and help Lara out with the baby. And when I needed to get to the train station to come out to Utah, it was Lara who took me to the train station, with Isabelle in tow, and they were the ones who saw me off.

The last time I spent some real time with Izzy B was when the Gelders came out for David's wedding. Some of my time in Provo, Orem, and American Fork was spent keeping seven-month-old Isabelle entertained, and doing my "aunt-ly duties". I was even able to make sure she smiled during the family shots (at least the ones I wasn't in).

Happy 1st birthday, Isabelle. I love you.

Slan go foill...

Almost seven months...

It's almost seven months since I boarded the Amtrak train and made the trek out here. And I'm having major mixed feelings right now.

I'm glad to be here, don't get me wrong. This is Zion, after all. But I'm feeling a little lonely and homesick, especially since I can't go home for the holidays. And the fact that I can't be with my family for the holidays kinda sucks; I won't lie.

Thank goodness for friends here. At least I have somewhere to go. :)

Slan go foill...